The Unexpected | LotR Fanfiction

Chapter 40

Gimli finally left the darkened encampment to walk around the perimeter, freeing Legolas to sit up from his pretense of sleep and think in isolation. He never had time to himself anymore, either Aragorn or Gandalf kept him under their keen eyes or Lumornel was basking in the return of his sanity, failing to see how utterly broken he was underneath.

Legolas looked around at the sleeping members of the fellowship, double checking to see if any had awoken under the moonlight.

I don't have the strength to keep this façade going, Legolas thought. He took relief in finally being able to drop his head into his hands without anyone seeing his weakness.

His slender fingers twisted in his hair as his breathing quickened. He's slowly breaking apart from wounds he never saw coming.

The death of his mother.

His dead warriors and their curses against him.

His friend, so much like a brother, the crimson blood coating his terrified fingers.

His father's assassination.

The failure of holding the Ring and his sanity, all the while almost killing Estel.

Cracks and fissures too wide to stitch streaked through his mind, him desperately trying to pull the sides together by plastering on a smile.

But smiles can only hold for so long.

*********

I awoke in a cold sweat. Siting up and pushing the cloak off me, I ran my fingers through my hair, willing my heavy breathing to calm.

Soil broke to my will as I curled my nails into it. I tried to push the broken images out of my mind by looking up at the stars, but to no avail. Tonight the soft void made of satin cloth sown through with diamonds gave me no comfort.

When the elves by Cuivieńen had nightmares, did they look to Varda's creation in the dark sky for comfort? But of course, that's right, elves don't really have sleep. Not in the same way humans do.

I felt Legolas settle beside me, startling me out of my thoughts.

We sat in silence for a while, just watching how the breeze moved and danced along the tall grasses around us. The sound of their swaying was surprisingly comforting. Despite the fire running through my veins, I shivered. The Rohan winds were unrelenting. And we couldn't risk a fire because any enemy could spot us from a mile away and the Rohanian grass would be two easy to flame.

"Too many pernicious evils have tainted our minds." The winds howled, almost making Legolas's words float away.

I winced at the pounding in my head. "I'm scared that more will come along."

Legolas scooted closer so that our shoulders leaned on each other's. His soft touch allowed me to relax, as if I could pour my stress into him. Although I hated the thought of giving stress to someone. "Then nightmares will have to plague our minds a bit longer. Although I hope that is not the case."

Mutilated elves, Saruman's knife, fiery orange eyes flashed before me.

I let my head rest on his shoulder, but didn't dare let my eyes close. "Same here."

But I knew in my heart that many more horrifying events lay ahead of us. I just hope we survive it.

Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach.

I don't want to die, I realized with vivid clarity.

It wasn't that I didn't realize the fear before, only that dying would mean failing. And failing to save innocents is the worst thing imaginable.