Forever ~ A bullying story ~ s.m

~Blades~ (Chapter 20)

there will be self harm content in this chapter. i'm sorry if that makes you upset please just skip it!!

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Meredith's P.O.V

"hey c'mon we just landed" i hear Shawn whisper into my ear. i open my eyes and look around. i see that were the last ones on the plane. i stand up and stretch. i grab my suit case and follow Shawn out to the Airport. we meet with everyone else and start walking to the baggage claim. we go down the escalator and see tons of fans waiting at the bottom. we smile and wave. they all scream random things but i hear three things over the rest

"Ew why is that girl still with them, i thought she would have got the message and left magcon"

"why doesn't she just do us all a big favor and kill herself"

"She doesn't deserve any of the guys or Amanda. She's worthless"

ouch.. that last one hurt. i stay quiet while they take pictures with the fans. once they all get their pictures we walk and find the limo that was scheduled to pick us up. We all climb in and i stare out the window .

'She's Worthless'

I mean.. she's right. i don't deserve any of them. They would all be so much happier without me. i look down at the faded scars that run along my arm.. maybe a couple wouldn't hurt....

I'm pulled out of my thought when i hear someone saying my name. i look up and see everyone staring at me

"huh what?" i ask

"were going back to the hotel to put our stuff up and then were getting something to eat. i was asking if you had something in mind" Taylor says looking at me confused

"um i'm not really hungry, i think i'm just gonna stay at the hotel and unpack and maybe take a nap or something" i say faking a smile

Please don't notice. please don't notice. please do...

"okay we can bring you back something if you want" Nash says smiling. i nod and go back to looking out the window. we pull into the parking lot and we all grab our suitcases and walk inside. Cameron goes up to the lady to go get our room keys. i sit down in a chair and look at my lap

"hey. do you want me to stay with you?" Shawn says standing in front of me

"no go ahead and get something to eat. i'm fine" i say faking another smile. he hesitates but nods. Cameron comes back with the keys. were all with the same people we were in North Carolina. i walk up the stairs dragging my suitcase with me. i go to the room and open the door and pick the only open bed left

"alright were gonna leave, are you sure your okay with being here by yourself?" Amanda says looking at me

"yeah. go have fun" i say. they all walk out the door and close it behind them

Finally. Alone.

🚨WARNING🚨 SELF HARM CONTENT

I go to my suitcase and pull out my razor.. good thing i brought more then one. I walk into the bathroom and slowly slide down to the floor. i start to tear up. debating my options.. should i do it? i shake my head and break my razor. grabbing the blade i put the cold metal on my wrist.
one for being worthless
one for being ugly
one for having so many flaws
and ten. for thinking i actually deserved the guys.
i set the blade down and put my head back. i cry harder
why am i like this?
I stand up and wash off my arm before they get back. i Flinch at the sudden burning and get the blood off. i turn off the water and dry off my water gently with a towel. i grab the blade and wash that off too. i walk into the room and put in a secret pocket in my suit case. i unpack and put on a sweatshirt. i lay down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. 

🚨END OF SELF HARM CONTENT🚨

after about 20 minutes i hear everyone walking down the hallway. I pretend to be asleep because i don't wanna deal with anyone. i turn on my side as they walk inside. i hear them whispering as i slowly fall to sleep. 

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Shawn's P.O.V. 

We get done eating and go back to the hotel. I really hope Meredith's okay.. she didn't seem like herself. we walk into our room and see her sleeping. i begin whispering to the others to be quiet. we all go in and i go the bathroom. Why does it smell like that in here? I shrug it off and change into some more comfortable clothes i grab my other clothes and thats when i see it. Blood. on the bathroom floor. Why the hell would there be blood on the floor? I clean it up and walk out and see Amanda and Cameron sleeping. i go over to Meredith and see her sleeping in a sweatshirt.. She hates sleeping in sweatshirts. she says it makes her too hot. i peek over and see her face all puffy. has she been crying? my eyes go down slowly to her arm. her sleeve is rolled up a little bit  i see cuts. Fresh. deep cuts. oh god. i knew i shouldn't have left her. i begin to tear up as i pick her up. she open her eyes wide as i bring her over to my bed. 

"Shawn what are you doing" She says as i lay her down

"what are these" i say grabbing her arm. she flinches and i let go. She doesn't say anything but looks down

"babygirl.. please answer me why" i say my voice cracking

"The hate Shawn.. i just couldn't deal with it.. it got to much for me and i was scared to talk to you about it because i thought... i thought you'd just blow me off.. what they say.. its true and theres nothing i can do to change it.." she barley gets out. she covers her face and i stay silent.. How could i let my baby feel this way... how did i not notice..

"I'm sorry... i understand if you leave.. and wanna find someone normal..." she says her voice cracking every couple of words

"No. Baby. i will never. ever leave you. Not now. not ever. Please don't ever think you cant talk to me. Promise you will talk to me before you do this again. you mean so much to me and i can't lose you. Meredith.. I love you" I finally said it.. the three words i've been wanting to tell her since i met her. She looks up at me and then back down. i can tell she's blushing. 

"I love you too Shawn.. more then you'll ever know. and i promise.. i will talk to you next time... i was just scared" She says wrapping her arms around my neck being cautious of her wrist. 

"i'm sorry for waking you up babygirl.. i was upset.. go back to bed. ill carry you back to your bed" i say going to pick her up

"No, i wanna stay here.. please. i just want you to hold me" she mumbles into my shirt. i smirk and nod 

"okay babe" i lay down as she lays down next to me i wrap my arms around her and smile 

"I love you Shawn" i hear her whisper 

"i love you too Meredith" i whisper back. kissing her head. and slowly drifting to sleep.