Forever ~ A bullying story ~ s.m

~Mornings~ (chapter 32)

"Meredith, wake up I'm bored" I hear Shawn whisper in my ear. I groan and turn around to face him

"what time is it" I say rubbing my eyes

"5.." he mumbles

"you woke me up at 5 in the morning for what?" I say shaking . it was freezing . i'm wearing shorts at the moment and a tank top

"oh no baby come here" he says wrapping his arms around me pulling me closer

"Have you slept yet" i whisper into his chest.

"No.. i was scared that if i fell asleep that you would do something" he mumbles, his grip on me tightening. I nod and sniffle.

"oh please don't cry" he says kissing my jawline.

"you really should sleep. i'm fine, i need you to sleep" i say looking him in the eyes. he nods and loosens his grip a lil. after awhile his breathing soften ands i can hear soft snores. i slowly get out of his grip and go into the bathroom. i close the door behind me and lean against the wall. i slowly slide to the ground and stare at my hands until i finally break. i gasp for breath, silently sobbing about everything going wrong at once.

They know it now... they're never gonna look at me the same. and if i lose them.. ill have nothing.. i'm already dead inside.. i've tried for so long to just be normal and to fit in. i'm just a waste of space. maybe I was born in the wrong time and in the wrong place..

I look through my tear filled eyes around the room, my eyes land on the drawer. I stand up and walk over looking through it under all the random junk and see the blade. i grab it and slide back down to the ground. i go through my options and place the cold metal on my skin.

"Meredith are you okay?" Shawn says through the door. i jump and the blade fly's out of my hand. i look around but don't see it anywhere. shit

"uhm Shawn.. do.. don't come in here" i say my voice cracking

"Have you been crying. i'm coming in" he says. i see the door nob slowly turn as he opens the door i see the Blade laying in the corner. Shit. he's gonna see that

"Meredith. come here" he says holding his arms out. i slowly walk to him and he wraps his arms around me

"baby. why didn't you talk to me about everything. it's not good for you to keep your emotions inside" he whispers.

please don't see it.. please don't see it...

"I don't know.. i just saw you were tired and i wanted you to sleep" i say back. he doesn't say anything but let's me go.

"Meredith" he says his voice cracking, he walks over to the blade and picks it up. he turns around and faces me.

"I'm sorry" i say looking down

"did you do it" he says taking a step closer to me

i shake my head and look down.

"you knocked before i could .." i mumble. he sighs and comes up to me. wrapping his arms around me, he picks me up and takes me back to bed

"what did i tell you about talking to me
before you cut yourself" he whispers laying down next to me

"i'm sorry" i say covering my face

"Let's talk. what's going on in that beautiful little mind of yours, what's making you want to cut yourself" he says pulling my body closer to his

"i.. I.. i just.. the memories.. Shawn there killing me .. and what if the guys don't want to be in my life anymore" i say looking down at my hands.

"Meredith you being raped isn't going to make anyone want to leave. We all love you way to much to leave" he says kissing my forehead. i don't say anything but nod.

"go to sleep. when you wake up we can go get some bagels" he says pulling me so i'm against his body. i nod and slowly drift off to sleep