Shades Darker | BWWM

Baby Steps ✨

The last bell rings and Jade and I begin packing our stuff up. Hoisting my bag strap on my shoulder we walk out of the room and down the hall towards her locker.

"I can't come to practice today" I tell her and she almost breaks her neck asking me why.

I sigh, "Mr. Ramon, he told me that I need to get my college stuff in first before I continue on with any extra stuff" I explain and she stares at me shocked. "You didn't send in any applications yet?" She questions and I tell her that it's not that serious.

"Yeah, if you don't mind going to community colleges" She replies and I shudder at the idea of community college. I run my hands down my face, "Hopefully whoever Mr. Ramon got to help me can work a miracle" I state and Jade agrees.

"It seems you need a miracle"

After saying good bye I head to the library to see who I will be working with for the next hour. I go inside and see mostly people I don't know. I head towards the tables when I see Anderson sitting by the window. He's typing away at his computer with his headphones in bobbing his head to the music.

He looks up for a quick second and when he see's me he waves me over. Anderson? Seriously? I quickly tell myself to shut up. After that promise I made my dad at Christmas I've been trying to give them a chance. So far I haven't snapped at Cole and I've been ignoring Frankie and Lincoln. Whenever they try me I just smile and move on. I just have to remember to take baby steps.

I walk over and take a seat. He hands me a computer and I open it to log in. Pausing his music he takes out his headphones, "So, I guess you're the one who needs help" He says and I tell him that I am.

"That's cool, I've been helping so many kids I swear Mr. Ramon should pay me for this" He tries to joke and I laugh humorlessly.

He stops smiling and clears his throat, "Okay"

He goes through some questions like if I did my profile, do I have a list of schools and etc. I take out my phone and open my notes. I wrote down some schools I'm interested in that has my major. I hand it to him and he goes through it. As his eyes trail down he actually laughs.

"What?" I ask curious.

He kisses his teeth, "Johnson University?" He asks and I ask why he gotta say it like that.

He shrugs, "Nothing it's just Lincoln and Cole got into that school, are you sure you want a repeat of the last four years?" He questions teasingly and I roll my eyes.

I grab my phone from him and delete that entire option causing him step in. "Come on Kendra, it is not that serious, it was a joke" He says and I make a pfft sound.

"It's that serious, and it wasn't funny" I correct and he huffs.

He grabs my phone back and writes it back in, "Come on, it's number one so you must want to go there plus Lincoln and Cole haven't even made their final decisions yet, they're waiting on other colleges" He argues and I guess he's right.

I shouldn't put my number one school on the back burner for the likes of those two. Since freshmen year Jade and I have been planning our future together and that future includes Johnson University.

Anderson clears his throat, "So, let's start with Johnson" He helps me fill out the application and as I type away there is a pull for me to start a conversation with him. Anderson doesn't disgust me like the rest of them so if I'm going to keep my promise I can start with him. It'll be easier to ease myself into it then let's say Lincoln or any of his hooligan friends.

Baby steps you feel me?

"So, did you get your acceptance letter yet?" I ask and he looks up from his phone.

He nods, "Yeah, last week"

I nod my head and bite my lip, "Where are you heading to, Johnson?" He laughs, "It would seem that way considering but no I'm actually heading upstate to Edgar Mellon" He corrects and my jaw drops a little. Edgar Mellon is crazy hard to get into, "You got in for athletics?" I questions and he makes a disgusted sound.

"Oh God no, I got in for something else" He reveals and I raise a brow.

"For what? You're always on the field, you don't do anything else" I point out and he bites his own lip. "You know you ask a lot of questions" He points out and I duly note that.

"Now answer the question" I demand and he jerks his head back a little.

"Why do you care?" He questions and I huff. To be honest I don't but if we're going to be stuck together for this we could at least have a conversation.

"Just cause" I answer he stares at me suspiciously.

Rolling my eyes I sit back, "Fine, if you answer my question I'll answer one of yours" I suggest and I hold out my hand. He bites his inner cheek, "So a game of truths?" I nod my head. Yeah, a game of truths.

He shakes my hand and I sit back once again, "Now, what are you majoring in?" I question and he takes a deep breath.

"Fine, I'm majoring in Marine Biology" He answers and it takes a second for me to realize what he just said. Marine Biology? That's what he said right? I never in life would've pegged Anderson to be a marine biologist. I smile, so the boy likes dolphins.

He puts his hands over his face, "I know, it's crazy, don't try and violate me" He complains which makes me chuckle. Is he seriously embarrassed about wanting to work with sea animals. I pull his hands from over his face and tell him that it's not crazy.

He scoffs, "You say that now but you don't know" He goes onto his phone and shows me pictures of plaques along a nice mahogany wall, "Those are soccer trophies that my older brother has racked up over the years in college, my parents are set on me becoming an athlete" He explains.

"So why don't you tell them you don't want to do that, I'm sure they'll understand" I assure him and he scoffs pulling his phone back and scrolling on his own.

"Yeah, I'm sure" He replies sarcastically.

"Not everyone gets parents like that unfortunately" He mutters and I notice the change in his face. Like no matter what he does his parents will somehow have the final say in his life. For a split second I feel bad for Anderson. Putting aside my own personal feelings for him no one should ever be held back and forced to do something they don't want to do just to please others.

After a while of silence he clears his throat and begins chuckling, "My turn" He says and I groan, jokingly of course. I hope he doesn't ask something outta pocket so I don't have to lie.

Scratching the back of his head he begins laughing to himself. Did I miss the joke? Bro didn't even say anything.

"In all seriousness, do you hate Cole?" He asks and I admit that is not where I saw this question going. I thought he was going to ask about my major or at least Iris. Why would he care about me and Cole, not that there is a me and Cole.

Anderson stares at me for an answer but I don't think I have one. I've been trying to figure that very thing out myself. I don't think it's a matter of hating him but a matter of trusting him and that often times translates to me hating him. I've been trying to work on that but it's hard, ever since his death I can't seem to trust anybody.

Then again I did have a meltdown in his car the other day. He saw me vulnerable and I let him see me that way. I could've left and cried in my own car in peace but instead I put my trust in him. I trusted him to see me like that and not to take advantage of it and he didn't. Instead he comforted me despite the shitty way I was acting.

"Uh, Kendra" Anderson calls pulling me out of my thoughts.

I look to him, "Huh?"

He asks me the question again, "Do you hate Cole?"

After a second I answer, "No"

"I don't know how I feel about Cole"