Shades Darker | BWWM

Letting Him Go ✨

In spirit of Jade getting the part she wanted I invited her and Queen over so we could celebrate together. We can watch some movies, gossip, sing and catch up with each other.

Before they get here I also plan to call Jermaine and have a talk with him. He's been back from his away game for a few days now and I hate that I waited so long to tell him. I saw him the other day and we spent most of the time making out rather than me telling the truth.

I know, I'm a mess.

I grab my Mac Book Air from under the bed and open up the facetime app. Better to do this face to face, or maybe I should call him? No, I should just facetime him. I press on his number and as it rings I feel nervous. I already know how he's going to take this and it's not going to be pretty.

After a few rings he picks up and I can tell he's been sleeping. For one it's dark, his silky is on and his eyes are barely open.

"Sorry are you sleeping?"

Clearing his throat he tells me no. God, why does he have to sound so sexy right now? Is it just me or a male sleepy voice is like the sexiest thing? Good God focus Kendra!

"So, I have to talk to you" I start and he asks me what. Reluctantly I tell him about what happened on Saturday of course leaving out the boner and my feelings after the kiss.

He remains quiet for a minute and after a while I hear him chuckle dangerously, "I'm going to fucking kill that nigga"

I tell him don't and that's when he starts erupting at me, "Are you fucking serious right now Kendra? You woke me up out of my sleep to tell me that you kissed another guy now all of a sudden you might have feelings for him?" He says angrily and I feel bad about this.

"Please don't be mad" I beg and he actually laughs at me.

"I'm not mad Kendra I'm fucking furious because I told you, I told you he liked you and what did you say 'oh no that's not it he wouldn't dare' and look what happened"

I tell him that it was just a dare and he tells me that he doesn't care about all that, "You are dating somebody why the hell would you kiss him?" I give the excuse that I was drunk and he calls it out as bullshit.

"If it was the other way around you wouldn't believe me, I can't believe you Kendra I thought you were different, this is fucking why I don't do relationships anymore because of bitches like you" He roars and I feel tears brim my eyes.

"I'm sorry"

"I don't give a shit about your sorry, why the fuck would you kiss another nigga?" He questions and I struggle for answers. I can hear the hurt in his voice and I feel so guilty.

"Do you like him, do you like me? What the fuck is happening because I'm confused" Despite my feelings for Cole I still care about Jermaine and the last thing I want is for him to get hurt.

"I'm confused too I didn't know that-"

He cuts me off, "Well until you get your shit together I'm out because I'm not doing this" "You just need to do fucking better!" With that he hangs up on me and the tears finally fall from my eyes. I close my computer and after a second I wipe away the tears.

I can't cry, not now. They'll be here any minute and if they see me blubbering like a bitch they'll make me talk about it and I can't. If I talk about Jermaine that means I have to talk about Cole and I don't know if I should yet. Or should I? After all they are my best friends and I'm sure they'll understand.

I head to the bathroom and splash some water on my face and slap my cheeks a little. Hyping myself up I finish setting up for tonight and I try not to think about Jermaine. Tonight is all about having fun, something I haven't had in a while.