Shades Darker | BWWM

Unexpected Guidance ✨

A/N: Sorry about this long ass delay I feel really bad. The good news though is that I'm finished with high school! Graduation is next week! *takes bow* I have more time now then every to write before summer officially begins and I really need to finish this book. So ima shut up and let yall read!

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"Yeah, some, truth, let me advocate for black lives matter and black love meanwhile I'm fucking some white boy in secret!"

Jade's words play over and over in my head on an endless loop. The more I think about it the more my heart hurts and my tears fall. I can still see the hurt in her eyes as if she was still standing in front of me.

"Then you wouldn't have lied to me and you wouldn't have broken your promise either"

I lay down on my bed and cuddle my pillow for comfort. No words can explain how fucked up all this shit is, how much this shit hurts. I knew once I let them know they wouldn't take it well. That they'd see me as a hypocrite and I was right.

I remember the day we made that promise to each other. It was her and I sitting in my bedroom sophomore year. We just started dating and we had our eyes on one boy, JuVante Soho, a senior. This boy was fine as wine and all we wanted was him to notice us.

Unfortunately, for us, he was dating this girl Natalie, who happened to be white. We got into a whole debate about black men and why they never seem to date black women anymore. How they marry Kardashians and these other girls who get butt and lip injections to ultimately look like us.

They claim they love black women but end up marrying somebody else. On that day we made a promise that we'll never date a white boy and to stand up for black love. Nobody knows the struggle of a black man like a black woman.

That promise became our rule, our sacred rule and I broke it. I broke it for him and now I'm losing my best friends. The girls I've been with through the toughest of times. Jade has been my best friend since elementary school. We're going to college together and I can't imagine us going our separate ways.

I don't want to lose her.

On the other hand I don't want to lose what I have with Cole either. Yeah, we're totally fucked up right now and I'm still pissed about what he did but I can't deny my feelings for him. I can't pretend that I don't want him when I know deep down that I do.

I really really do.

I wanted to hate him so bad in the beginning but now all I want is for him to hold me. I want to be with him and that's something I don't want to give up. It took so long for me to get here and giving up what we have hurts me more than losing my best friend.

Every moment I spent with him awakened a part of me that I didn't know existed. In him I found solace and peace. I found a love that I never felt before.

So what do I do when I feel this torn?

Do I save my relationship with my best friends?

Or do I go after him?

My thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Again? I let whoever it is ring a few more times before I finally get out of bed. I pull myself together and head downstairs. I wipe my face and in 3...2...1 I open the door.

"What the fuck?" I mutter completely shocked.

"Hey Lyon" He says.

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Lincoln Scott is standing at my door.

My number #1 hater is at my doorstep right now. Keeping my face neutral I ask him if he lost his way to Anderson's house or something.