Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

20. ?

Shout out to BellaSH13 Thanks for the idea!

Jace

I can't believe this is finally happening. As my lips press against hers, she stiffens. Shit Jace! What are you doing! Why are you kissing her! I immediately pull away from her. "Red....I'm so sorry.....I....I...didn't mean it......I....didn't mean to.....I...just....I've got to go." I stutter and run out of the bathroom. Running, I find my room and lock the door. She doesn't like you like that! Damn it! What is she gonna think? What if you scared her? What if you just ruined your friendship? You selfish idiot! That look, though. I thought that look meant she was okay with it. She didn't stop me. Oh God! What if I paralyzed her in fear when I touched her, and that's why she didn't move? What if she was thrown into a flashback of her....of her father? What have I done? What did I do to her? What did...I...do to HER? I.....I....I....hurt her! I hurt her! I Jace, hurt Red! Not Sebastian, not Jonathan, or not even her father, but me! I hurt her! I promised her I would NEVER let anyone hurt her ever again. Then.....I...hurt her! She must hate me! I...what will I do.....if she..hates me? NO! You deserve it! You deserve whatever she does to you! Whatever she says to you! But her lips....they tasted better than I ever imagined! Ugh! Stop it you...you "sordid bastard" my dad's words ring. I remember the first time he called me that. I was six, and he was mad at me for spilling my juice in his car. I remember his voice booming....and then I remember blackness. That's the first time he hit me, but it wasn't the last. Each time, he used those words "sordid bastard" and everytime I told myself he was wrong. Was he?

I run to the bathroom and get sick in the toilet. I deserve this! Tears freely fall from my face as I let what I just realize kick in. My dad wasn't wrong when he beat me. He knew, he knew just how worthless and horrible I am. I should've let him keep hitting me. Then, I wouldn't have been alive to hurt Red like this.(Author's Note: In this flashback/memory type thing, Jace is only 8. His thoughts and speech will be that of, hopefully, an 8 year old.)

I remember the day he asked me if I knew why he was punishing me. I remember feeling like I was innocent. I remember wondering why daddy would hurt me. So, when he asked, I looked into his eyes and I said, "I don't know daddy."

That night, it was worse. He didn't just beat me, he hurt my mom. He had me tied down and then I heard them, her screams and cries. After.....he told me it was my fault. I didn't know what to do, I was only eight. I might not have been able to help my mom then, but I was the reason for some else's hurt now! I remember going to school the next day, scared. Alec, my best friend, noticed my fear. "What's wrong Jace?" Alec asked.

"N...nothing," I stuttered.

"Come on Jace, you can tell me," Alec coaxed.

"My...dad...he hurts me and my mom sometimes, when we're bad," I whispered. "Last night....he hurt my mom real bad, after he hurt me. I'm really scared, Alec."

"Jace, we should tell my mom. Maybe she can help us figure out what to do," Alec explained.

"But....I'm scared of him!" I whined. "What if he hurts me or my mom again?"

"Jace, it'll be okay. Come on, I'll pretend to get sick and you pretend with me. When my mom comes, I'll explain it to her. She'll help us, I know it!" Alec confidently exclaimed.

"Are...you sure?" I nervously asked.

"Of course, my mom is the best!" Alec glowed. So, we pretended to get sick and Alec's mom was called. Without fail she came right away.

"Honey, I got a call that you're sick, and I drove right over. What's wrong baby?" Maryse asked Alec.

"Mom, please don't be mad, but Jace needs help," Alec explained. "Jace's dad hurts him and his mommy. Yesterday, it was really bad. We've got to help them."

Maryse turned to me with her caring face, "Jace, what does your dad do to you?" Maryse asked.

"He hits me really hard when I make him mad. Yesterday....he hurt my mommy, and then he told me it was my fault," I managed. "Mrs. Lightwood, was it my fault dad hurt mommy last night?" I asked.

"No, of course not, honey," Maryse comforted. She took me to her house and she called my mom. Maryse told me that my mom wanted me to stay with the Lightwoods for a little while. Maryse said people were taking my daddy to jail. "Don't worry honey," Maryse would say as I cried in bed at night. "Well take care of you. You and Alec have always been like brothers to eachother. Your family and we'll take care of you as if you were one of our own."

Years later, she finally told me that my mom had up and left me with my dad. I was devastated. Maryse didn't make me go back. She cared about me so much, that she's taken me in and made sure I felt welcomed.

So....that's when I thought about my dad and that he was in jail, I figured what he said wasn't true, because all eight-year-olds know only bad people, who lie, go to jail. Now I know, he wasn't wrong. I'm a sordid bastard. No, I'm worse! I hurt her!

I've made out with girls before, but Clary.....just someone being too close makes her uncomfortable. Imagine what someone just randomly kissing her does to her. What if she has nightmares about me? What if she is in her room shaking, scared I might come back in there and hurt her? What if she's frozen on the bathroom floor where I left her? What is wrong with me?

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 1/15/18