Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

56. The Day After

Author's Note: I'm so sorry. This is, to me, possibly worse than the Kaelie thing, the insecurities, the Sebastian thing, the Johnathan thing, the Clarrisa having to ask Jace to clean her peed in pajamas thing, and last chapter....

Jace

I move my arm to grab Red, but she's not there. Where's Red? Maybe she's just in the bathroom. Yeah, she wouldn't leave me. S...she knows about my mom....s.....she wouldn't do that. We'd both confessed our love for each other, we'd just had sex, and she couldn't just leave me. Last night was.....special for me. She wouldn't just leave. 'No! Stop it!' a voice shots. 'Red would never do that to you! She's probably in the bathroom.' I stand up and realize I'm still naked, so I find a pair of sweatpants. I'm not entirely sure how the morning after talk goes, but knowing Red she'll probably be more comfortable if I'm at least in pants. I walk to the bathroom to find the light off. Maybe she's in the kitchen.....'Or maybe she left you because you are a monster!,' another voice suggests. S...she consented, right? Yes, I asked every time I did something. She consented. But.....what if she was scared of stopping me? I.....I told her she could say stop and there  would be no consequences. But....what if she didn't want to after a while. I....I'm going to be my dad! No! I won't do it! I can't! Red is my world and I can't destroy it! What if she hates me? What if I did something deserving hate in return? She's not in the kitchen. I, as if in autopilot, am dressed, my hair is brushed, and I've eaten a bowl of cereal 20 minutes later. I jump into my car. Red, please be at school, so I know your okay! Please! I get to school as the warning bell rings. Crap! There's no way I'll make it before the first bell! I'll have to wait to talk to Red until lunch....

********Ring*******Ring********

I walk into Social Studies as the bell rings. I see Red, but she's avoiding me. She's also wearing a baggy sweatshirt. Shit! I did something wrong? Maybe we can talk it out. I decide to just ask her what's wrong when Mr. Mac begins. Thanks! "Class, today we're going to discuss Hitler and Germany. I'm sure you've all heard about Hitler, but we're going to take a deeper look on this interactive website. You'll have a worksheet that goes step my step to complete as well. This mini project is due at the end of class tomorrow with tomorrow being a work day. I've put the link on Google Classroom, get started," Mr. Mac explains. I grab my computer and open up to the page, but the whole time I'm thinking about Red. She looks nervous? Scared? Sad? Hurt? I......I couldn't have hurt her, could I? I was so gentle and slow. Honestly, I thought I was going to have to hold back, but once we were naked, I didn't want to go fast, I wanted to take my time. Make love to her and show her how much I love her in a way words couldn't express. But.....what if she wasn't ready....

********Ring*******Ring********

I robotically walk to English. Mrs. Johnson says something about tone and word choice and maybe....an assignment. I can't focus. My mind goes to Red. Is she okay right now? Does she feel safe with me? If I try to talk will she be scared of me? Will s.......s......s......she run? Did she not want to? I....I thought she did! I swear I....I thought..........

********Ring*******Ring********

I hear the faint sound of a bell ringing and I see my classmates leave. I guess it's time for art. No! I can't go to art! I sit right next to Red. I need to make sure she's okay, but not during class. She has to feel safe. I guess I'll just hide out in that closet, for privacy, we found one time when we were kissing. I grab my books and head to the closet. I replay every moment in my head.

We made it to the bed, she said yes. I pulled her shirt off, after she said yes. She pulled my pants down, so she obviously wanted to do that. I pulled her pants down after she said yes. She played with my balls, so she obviously wanted to. Never once did I in any way indicate I wanted her to do that. Of course, I was kissing her body the entire time, but she never objected. Then, I took her underwear off after she said yes. I started kissing her, and she me. There was a brief separation for condom application. With one more look of approval, I went inside her. It was amazing. She seemed like she wanted it. I wanted it. Maybe she didn't want it? Maybe she was too scared to stop? What if I just got off on her like.....Valentine, Sebastian, Jonathan, and just like my dad did to my mom. Except, this time, they're was no screaming because Red couldn't find the words......

Lunch

I walk into the cafeteria to the pizza line. Ever since I met Red, we've gone through the line (mostly) together. Today, I don't see her. Walking to the table I sit in, I see what looks like an intervention. Alec, Izzy, Simon, and Mangus are all sitting at the table waiting for me. Where's Red? Alec is the first to speak, "Jace, we all know you and Clary are dating and though we wish you two would've told us, we're happy for you. With that said, you two can stop being so awkward. Today we've noticed your guys' odd behavior, and it's not fooling anybody."

"Thanks, guys it means a lot to me," I reply. Where's Red? Why isn't she eating? She never has an appetite when we talk about Valentine, Sebastian, and Jonathan. Why wouldn't she be hungry? D.......did I....r....rape her? I.....I couldn't have. S....she said yes at every step! 'But Jace, did she want to say yes,' a voice asks. 'Was she really consenting?' Did I hurt her? Am I becoming my dad? D....did I force her like He forced my mom? Did I make her feel dirty and worthless the way she's told me they have? Did I get off on her while she was silently praying I'd stop? I am a freaking rapist? No! Worse, I'm my dad......

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/25/17