Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

34. The End?

Author's Note: don't worry! It's not the end of the book. You'll see!

This chapter isn't really necessary, but it's makes me smile, the throught of all of you readers not knowing what "it" is! It's all BellaSH13 fault! Her phenomenal book NeRds, we'll actually it's sequel NeRds University is the cause for this! Your welcome!

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Clarissa

I wake up to my alarm clock, and tap the snooze button. (Author's Note: Is this better? i_am_nephilim_)

Today is going to be a good day! School isn't too bad when you have friends. Not to mention Jace, he's a very nice bonus. We...sort of made out last night. I mean, he was trying to help me feel better about my body, so...does that count? Did I have my first make out? I've got to get ready, so I'm not late. Jace usually doesn't mind waiting, but I don't want to be any trouble. I decide to wear a grey t-shirt under a green sweater, some dark blue jeans, and a pair of black converse. I still don't feel very comfortable with my body, hence the sweater. It's not as baggy as my other sweaters, but it does its job. As I turn towards the door to get breakfast, I notice my phone has a notification. I decide to check it quick. Tears fall from my face. How could I have been so gullible? He just wanted to have his fun with me! I should've known! I should've never let him in. I'm just broken, ugly, weak, disgusting, and pathetic. I manage to walk down the stairs, and I tell my mom I don't feel well. Then, I slowly climb back up the stairs. Reaching my room, I head to the bathroom. Knowing I have a razor sitting in the vanity, I trudge my way through my room. 

Should I cut? I know Jace said all that stuff about talking to him. I..I believed him, but he was just trying to make it more fun for him. He never cared. Just do it! A voice whispers in my mind. Stop! Don't let Jace have this much control over you, another whispers. Jace may not have cared, but he was right on one thing. I cannot turn to a blade. Sometimes I hurt, but cutting isn't a healthy way to alleviate the pain. So...I leave the razor in the drawer, go back to my room, get into my sheets, and cry soundlessly. I cry for Jace and all of the things he said to me. I cry for all of the things we did together. Jace...he was my first kiss. The only person who's ever gotten me to open up. Something about him made me want to trust him, so I did. I must admit I was hesitant at first, but I really opened up to him. I let my guard down, and he decided to take the opportunity to have a go with me. The worst part, I can't talk to anyone about it. No one can know and I have to pretend it never happened around Izzy, the Lightwoods, my mom, teachers, other students, and one student in particular, Jace Herondale. But, I can do it. I'll just tell him I'm breaking up with him and then I'll make him promise. Wait, his promises don't count for anything. I guess I'll just beg and plead for him not to tell anyone. If he keeps his mouth shut, I will to. Yeah, he'll agree to that.

But...then a part of me knows that I deserve that. I don't deserve anything, so I find myself back in the bathroom. The razor blade is in my hand. It'll feel better! It'll make the pain go away. It's not Jace's fault! You're just a
broken, ugly, weak, disgusting, and pathetic nothing. Maybe...he tried to care, but you did something wrong. Maybe it's your fault! Maybe you should just forget about it! Pretend like you didn't see it. It'll be far less embarrassed that way. Yeah...you're good at pretending. Tomorrow just get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and pretend it never happened. Have Jace pick you up, peck his cheek, and say thanks. As I drag the blade across my arm, all the bad thoughts go away. (Author's Note: See chapter picture. It's really bad. I drew it, because there isn't any pictures of Clarissa trying to cut herself on Google for some reason.)

So, I'm going to use this day to recuperate. To cry out all of the tears, eat a bunch of ice cream, and watch the 100. Clarke and Bellamy had the right idea, they've never actually admitted their feelings and if you ask me, they're better for it. As I'm sitting in the living room, eating ice cream by the jug, and watching the 100, I hear a knock on the door.

I get up and walk towards the door when I hear. "Clarissa, it's Jace and Simon. Please let us in or we'll use the key under the door." I really don't want to deal with this today! This was supposed to me tomorrow's problem! Pull it together! You haven't cried in a little while, so just pretend you're just sick with...a cold or something. Before I go to the door, I decide to get put my sweater back on. I don't want him to see anything about me ever again.

"One second," I reply. As I walk to the door, a thousand thoughts run through my mind. What should I say? What will Jace say? Wait, he said Simon and I. Why would Simon be with Jace? I catch a glimpse of the clock on the wall, it's 2:30 P.M. School gets out st 2:30, so how are Simon and Jace here already? What if Jace is here to break up with me? What is up with Simon though? Why is he here too? What does Jace want a witness to out break-up or something? One question sticks out the most, how do I pretend I didn't see it? I mean if he just wants to see why I missed school and doesn't mention anything else, how do I pretend that my heart hasn't been broken all day? How do I ever peck his cheek or...kiss him on the lips? How do I do normal, when all of my emotions are running through me? I open the door as prepared as I can be, to face Jace.

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 2/4/18