Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

22. The Results

Previous Chapter from Jace's POV

I've made out with girls before, but Clary.....just someone being too close makes her uncomfortable. Imagine what someone just randomly kissing her does to her. What if she has nightmares about me? What if she is in her room shaking, scared I might come back in there and hurt her? What if she's frozen on the bathroom floor where I left her? What is wrong with me?

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Jace

I want to talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. But....if she hates me, I don't know what I'd do with myself. I don't want to scare Red. If I go in there and she is scared...ugh...I don't want to think about it. Maybe...I should go in there and make sure she's okay. But....what if she isn't okay? What if you really hurt her? What if she sees you and panics? You'll deserve whatever she does to you! I have to go in and see how she's doing.

I finally work up the courage to walk into her bathroom. "Red," I knock on the door. She doesn't answer, so I talk through the door. "Red, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking....I just...I'm sorry."

"It....it's...okay Jace. You don't....have to apologize.....and you don't have to...pretend," Red cries. Pretend? What am I pretending?

"What are you talking about Red? I did something wrong. I know you probably hate me.....but I just had to see if your okay. I...just got caught in the moment and I just wanted to see how it would feel for our lips to touch. I know I'm just a disgusting piece of s***. I shouldn't have let my emotions take over my brain telling me no. I shouldn't have done that to you. I....I'm sorry." It's just...I really really like you. I hope we can at least be friends. "A....are....you....o.. .okay?" I'm now crying like a baby, trying to talk between sobs. "Pl...please Red....just tell me you're....okay."

All of a sudden, the door flies open. "Jace, I knew you....regretted it." I never said that! "I'm sorry that I messed it up. I'm just.....useless, ugly, disgusting, docile, cowardly, worthless, whimpy, and pathetic." Why do you always think about yourself like that? "I...I know you didn't....want to, and I get it. I used to be confused.....why my dad would call me.....all of those names, but I know now. It's because I am.....all of those horrible things. I'm just sorry....you had to go through all of that," Red cries. I had to go through all of that?

"Oh, Red. You aren't a useless, ugly, disgusting, docile, cowardly, worthless, whimpy, or pathetic girl. Why can't you see it? I...I wanted to kiss you. I'm the useless, ugly, disgusting, docile, cowardly, worthless, whimpy, and pathetic one. I know I shouldn't have wanted to kiss you, and I realize it wasn't okay. After everything...you told me....I shouldn't have kissed you. I should've let you make the first move. It's just....I don't even know if you like me....and I have all these feelings and thoughts about you." I guess I'm finally taking the bull by the horns. "I like you Red. I don't like you like a friend and I don't like you like a sister. I...like you how Bellamy likes Clarke in that show you like so much. I just wish....I wish you liked me. I know I'm not good enough for you. No matter what you think, I know I'm not. I should've waited, and I'm sorry for any negative impact I had on you. My...dad was right. I'm just a sordid bastard. I never believed him, but I should've. I'm sorry Red. I...I'll leave you alone now."

As I start to turn away, I feel Red embrace me in a hug. "Jace, I...I wanted that kiss more than you could imagine. First of all, I didn't tell you no all of those times you asked because I wanted you to kiss me. Secondly, I LOVE that you can reference my favorite TV series and ship like that. Third, you shouldn't believe what your father told you because he is wrong. I don't have to know anything about your past, to know that; I understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing it with me, trust me. Fourth, I'm sorry I got stiff when he finally connected. It's.....just....Jonathan....and...my dad...they left me broken. I'm really trying to get better, but it's hard. Finally, I absolutely do not in any way regret our almost kiss," Red explains.

"Red......I wanted to....kiss" close enough "you...in the closet. That's why I left because I was inches from your lips. The temptation of keeping myself from leaning in just a little, it was overwhelming. I was acting so strange in there because of me, not you. I hate to think you hurt yourself because of me. Of course I know your favorite TV show! I do want to talk to you about my dad.....and what he did....but I didn't want to weigh you down. You seemed to be in a lot of pain and discomfort already. I understand that you are working on trust. The only thing I want to do is help you with it. I would never pressure you. Last but not least..I never NEVER said I regretted That kiss. I'd been thinking about doing that for days. It's okay that your not ready for kissing yet, I'd wait as long as it takes. I mean...if you wanted me to?"

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 1/17/18