Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

53. The Talk

Author's Note: I was inspired! So I'm still not going to publish regularly, but I'm publishing this one....Hopefully that makes sense..... Also, shout out to malmal82 and the amazing Clace book she's writing!

Clarissa

Jace, please, d...did I do something wrong? Suddently you don't want to 'make it up to me.' Please just tell me," I beg.

"Let's just go to bed," Jace suggests. He changes into some sweat pants and discards his shirt. I walk towards his drawers and grab one of his shirts. Then, I walk to the bathroom to change. Jace and I lay down in the bed.

What did I do? Why is he suddenly being so cold? I face my body away from Jace, so he can't see the silent tears that trickle down my cheeks. I've got silent crying mastered. My....Valentine had his way with me and after a while I just didn't have the energy to cry, so I'd silently let the tears fall.

"Red, can I hold you please," Jace asks. What? Now he wants to be all lovey dovey? Seriously! I don't want him to see my tears, but I can't talk. "Red, talk to me."

I quietly suck the snot back into my nose and clear my throat. "Just give me a second," I manage. It's dark, so he probably won't even see my tear-stained face. Suddenly, the lamp turns on. Jace sits up. Crap! He must've heard it in my voice.

"What's wrong Red?" Jace asks concerned.

"N..nothing," I reply trying to steady my breaths. He pulls me closer to him and wipes a stray tear off my check gently.

"Why were you crying? Before you deny it, I heard it in your voice and I just wiped a tear off your cheek," Jace responds.

"What did I do wrong to make you so cold so suddently?" I question shakily.

"Red, you didn't do anything," Jace explains. "You really want to know?" I nod. "It's just I've been having troubles controlling my...... litttlebabymonster." Jace rapidly says the last part, but I barely make out what's he saying. 'My little baby monster'? What is that? Ohhhhhhh! Crap! Why couldn't he just tell me he was.....excited? I would've understood.

"Jace it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Why didn't you just tell me?" I inquire.

"I...I didn't want you to be mad at yourself. I just figured it'd be better if you were mad at me. I thought that you'd be mad because you don't feel....ready to be more intimate yet." Why can't I be more intimate? Ugh! "But you have to know it's not your fault. It's mine. I just can't control it! It's like a separate part of me, and I'm sorry," Jace explains. I can't believe I was mad at him. He was trying to save me from feeling bad.

"Jace, remember when we first started talking to eachother. Not about the normal stuff, but really talking. You said, 'I want you to always be honest with me, and I'll always be honest to you.' I'm going to be honest: it makes me mad that I have all of this negative sexual experience. I feel like you should be able to have someone who you can kiss when you'd please without having to worry about her state of mind. Now it's your turn," I reply.

"I feel like you should have someone who doesn't constantly have to hide his....little baby monster from you. Someone who isn't so sick. It's just the simplest things that get to me. Like when you nervously and subconsciously bite you lip, it's just springs the little baby monster to life. I need you to understand that I'm not in any way discontent with out intimacy because of....that. I wish it didn't....spring alive, and I wish you had someone better who never made you doubt yourself like that. I absolutely love where we are. Someday, we might get there and maybe we will never make it to....that level. I'm not worried about the destination, just the journey. I want to take it nice and easy with you. I want to go at our pace, not your my pace and not your pace. It might be bumpy for a little while, but that's just part of the challenge," I explain.

"Jace, you aren't sick! Don't you dare say things like that!" I shout. "Have you ever considered that maybe I get....excited too? That perhaps you just can't see? Has it ever occurred to you that.....a part of me likes it when you get....excited? It makes me feel like maybe I'm not such a mess, that I have a certain level of appeal to you?" I breathe. "Valentine is sick! You, Jace, are not sick. I don't want you to think those awful things! I feel most comfortable around you, so don't think there's anyone else who can, 'never make me doubt myself  like that.' I've told you things my mom doesn't even know. There are walls up for everyone, except you. There may be a few fences, but you've climbed the hardest walls to scale, trecked the hardest terrain, and I feel safe telling you about me. I honestly don't know what is holding me back from you because I'm definitely attracted."

Jace laughs. "We both know I'm also....attracted to you, so I'm glad we have gotten that out of the way."

"Jace can we just make out, go to sleep, and figure this out tomorrow," I suggest.

"I think that could be arranged," Jace smiles at me. Swiftly, Jace is on top of me, hovering. Both of us with dumb smiles plastered on our faces. Jace leans down until our lips connect. He's already shirtless, so I can feel his chest with my hands. Biting at my lip, I feel his tongue slip past my mouth entrance. If me biting my lips turns Jace on, then what does him biting my lips do to him? I curiously guide my hand towards his stomach.

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/24/18