Clace (Liberty High School) (Completed)

55. The Processing

Author's Note: I'm so sorry. This is, to me, possibly worse than the Kaelie thing, the insecurities, the Sebastian thing, the Johnathan thing, and the Clarrisa having to ask Jace to clean her peed in pajamas thing.

Clarissa

I woke up in Jace's arms as I had many times before. Except this time it was different. We'd both confessed our love for each other, we'd just had sex, and most prominently now, we were both naked. Last night was.....amazing! I can't believe we finally did it! He was so gentle! His planned worked too. All I thought about was us and it was better than I ever could've dreamed of. But....what if it wasn't good for him? I know he didn't give me his all. Did he enjoy it? I...I took his virginity. What if he hated it? Would he tell me? I know he was my first willing. My first kiss, my first time, but what if it was horrible. I can't hear him tell me I was bad. Carefully, I slide out of his grasp. I find my clothes and put them back on. It's still early, so I go into Izzy's room. What a shocker? Izzy's not here. Her and Simon must be getting closer. I use my spare toothbrush, comb, and clothes I keep in Izzy's room. After I'm ready, I sneak into the kitchen and grab a pack of pop tarts. Then, I walk to school. I can't see Jace's reaction. I can't know he hated it. I...I just can't. I run as I think about this. By the time I make it to school, I can see Jace's car. No doubt he's called me several times, but I put my phone in silent. I enter social studies with mintues to spare. Izzy looks at me and I fake a smile. All I can think about it Jace. He's not in here yet, thank God. Just a couple more minutes until class is started. Once Mr. Mac starts his talk, Jace won't get a word in on me.

********Ring*******Ring********

Jace walks in as the bell rings. Thank God for small miracles. When he sees me, his eyes widen. He looks like he's about to speak when Mr. Mac begins, "Class, today we're going to discuss Hitler and Germany. I'm sure you've all heard about Hitler, but we're going to take a deeper look on this interactive website. You'll have a worksheet that goes step my step to complete as well. This mini project is due at the end of class tomorrow with tomorrow being a work day. I've put the link on Google Classroom, get started." With that, we all unpack our school provided devices and get to work. Jace. That's all I can think about. I'll be fine during classes, but lunch scares me. Lunch is when we're not in a structured learning environment with clear no talking rules. And it's for a whole 30 minutes! If I don't eat with my friends, they'll know something's wrong and I don't want anyone to know about.....what we did. I have to talk to Jace first. I...I just don't want to. I don't want to hear the inevitable, 'our first time was nice,' from Jace. He's too nice to tell me it was horrible. But....I'll pry and pry. Eventually he'll have to tell me the truth, I failed. For me, it was....magical and I'll always treasure it. I just wish Jace felt the same way. Then again, I don't know if he does or not because I ran like a chicken before he even woke up this morning. 'Maybe he liked it,' a little voice sqeaks. 'Or.....maybe he knows how bad you are now and is glad you left before he had to talk to you and pretend it was good,' a harsh voice booms.

********Ring*******Ring********

Before I know it, the lunch bell has rung. I know what I'll do. I'll just stay in the bathroom. Ha! Jace can't come in there! I run the the bathroom by my science class. Finding the first empty stall, I hide. My brain whirls with possibilities. Then I start singing in my head, 'Possibilities,' by Freddie Stroma from 'A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Song.'

All these possibilities.

So many little possibilities.

Right in front of us.

Close enough to touch.

And far enough to have some time to see.

All these possibilities.

Whoa, these possibilities
Are written in the stars.

We are who we are, baby,
And I can't help but think that possibly. There's possibilities.

I snap out of it when I hear someone enters the bathroom. My mind on full alert. After a few minutes, the unknown bathroom user leaves and I go back into my miserable head. What if Jace isn't satisfied and has to pretend forever so he doesn't hurt my feelings? Maybe I should let him go. You know what they say; if you love someone, let them go. (Author's Note: 'And if they truly love you, they'll come back.' Let's just say Clarissa doesn't remember that part in her time of suffering.)

********Ring*******Ring********

I sluggishly make my way to Science. I sit in my seat and faintly hear the bell ring. Mr. Smith mentions something about balancing chemical equations. Maybe I should get a ride home with Jace and talk about this like two civilized people? But....am I ready to hear him tell me I was bad. There's no way he could've liked it! It was over in like 15 minutes after we got our clothes off! He held back and I probably did everything wrong? What if he hated it?

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
This is my first fanfic. I hope you guys like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/25/18