NO SIGNAL FOUND [RE-WRITING]

how do i explain

you ask me every day

"are you okay?"

ill say

"its just the same"

and you'll look away,

cant say i blame you (i blame you i blame me)

how do i explain the call

i keep getting from your hometown?

every time i pick up

they s h y a w a y

how do i explain

sitting at the end of my driveway

considering

j

u

m

p

i

n

g

in front

of my neighbors 4 by 4?

i cant do that to someone

and i cant do it to myself

so i go back inside (go back inside go back inside) and

pray for pain

(suicide suicide suicide suicide suicide)

you were dumb

for believing me

when i said i was fine (FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE)

yet i was dumb for

thinking you'd

stick around (stick around stick around stick around)

how do i explain

biting off the skin

on my fingertips (stop it you're hurting yourself)

and crying when it bleeds? (but i cant)

d

r

i

p

or the clothing pin

i stick up under

my veins?

"have you cut?"

"no" (liar liar liar liar)

but i've done other things

how do i say

i've been trying to

kill myself every day (tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow)

i'm only waiting for

my body to waste away (wash away go away waste away)

1.16.18

1:00 pm

there is so much goddamn pain