NO SIGNAL FOUND [RE-WRITING]

hate u even when i love u

i'm not missing
i'm hiding
i've gone lost on purpose
victory, momentary
yet tired of living life
in the constant state of anxiety

i had a dream last night
and in it, you left me
i sat in the parking lot
for the rest of the week
wondering if waiting for us
would be worth it

"wish you were here"
written on the sign
"but when you're here,
why're you so distant?"
sometimes it comes across
"i am here, where are you?"
waiting for me, maybe?

anger is heavy
and i'm tired of carrying
this shit around
hated you when you
walked away, hated you
when you stayed

next time
will you stay?
next time
will you come back?
next time
will there be a next time?