NO SIGNAL FOUND [RE-WRITING]

this is not what i wanted v.3

this is not how people get to know one another i thought, walking out of the room
i can't know you with your eyes closed
and mine tortured by the picture of you

what happened to that Tennessee manner
what happened to that Colorado humor

"how am i supposed to love you?
how am i supposed to hate you?
how am i supposed to do anything
with your lifeless body being fed through a tube?"

i'm shouting, i realize
as your father comes in the room with a bloody lip, he stares and i stare back.
he says nothing for a moment, he knows much about yelling, hitting is second nature to people like him

"why would he do this to himself?"
he chokes out
"why?" and it takes all of me not to turn around and give him a bruise with my words

"i love him - loved." i strain my ears to hear him
"loved?? he's not dead." i hiss
"yet," his eyes blinking