Gonna Be the Death of Me (adopted by Brendon Urie)

//twenty - birds inside your ribcage//

Song of the Chapter: Pyramids of Salt, The Wonder Years

Panic!'s bus rolled into Vegas a few hours before the show, leaving Brendon to again reminisce on life before the band like he did every tour. Eva walked beside the black haired man down a crooked sidewalk, laughing at the stories he told about singing at smoothie shops and ditching school, before of course telling Eva to never follow in his footsteps. In one of their quiet moments during their exploration, Brendon heard a click of a camera, then another, and another. "E, we are going to walk across the street then turn back and go to the bus okay?" he asked, trying not to draw attention to it. Eva only nodded, looking at the road to see if it was clear before crossing with Brendon around her frame. They turned back and refused to look towards the clicking. Questions started erupting from behind them but they walked on anyway, acting completely oblivious even though on the inside, Brendon was panicking. Zack was ten minutes away by foot on the buses and Eva had no clue what to do if Brendon had an anxiety attack. The older grabbed Eva's hand and squeezed it.

"Dad, just breathe. We'll be back in no time, okay?" He nodded, but couldn't level out his breath. His heart rate sped. "Only a few more minutes. We're so close, Dad." Another pointless nod. Eva pulled her phone out and called Zack nonchalantly, trying not to make Brendon's panic obvious. "Hey, there are paps. They're following us. We're looping back, but Dad isn't doing so hot." Zack walked down the road a bit, trying to spot the two people walking. He saw a hoard of cameras and reporters following a small blue-haired girl and tall, pale man. "Keep walking, E. Try to keep him calm, you're almost here." Eva nodded and turned to face her dad while still walking. "Dad, find five things you can see and list them in your head." Brendon did. Camera flashes, reporters, Eva, fans, the bus lot. His heart rate slowed. "Four things you can touch." Brendon continued in his head. Sidewalk, Eva's hand, building walls, street sign. Eva continued trying to coach Brendon through the exercise as they rounded the corner and practically ran into the bus lot fences, leaving Zack to close it and get everyone out as Brendon sprinted past Eva and into their bus. She followed with no hesitation. 

When she walked into the bus, Brendon sat with his head in his hands. Eva walked to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and setting it front of him gently before sitting on the floor across from her father. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, not looking at him but out the window behind him. She saw him shake his head and grab the water from the floor. Eva sighed and shook her head, now somewhat mad that he wouldn't do what he forced Eva to do so many times. But, she bit her tongue. "Go lay down, Dad." He looked up at her and nodded, thanking Eva with a kiss on the forehead before walking to the bunks. 

Not long after, Zack walked up the bus stairs, looking at the girl sitting in the lounge and sighing. "Is he okay at least?" Eva nodded before answering "Yea, he'll be fine. He's laying down, but he won't talk about it." The muscular man sat next to Eva and turned to face her, the girl following his movements. "Listen, when this happens, he shuts down. He's hardly able to talk about it. It's not you, okay?" the guard and friend asked her quietly. Eva understood, but she still didn't get why she never had the chance to not talk about it. Sure, Brendon was the adult or whatever, but this was her life. She nodded before standing up and leaving the bus. People called her name from the fence but she just walked the opposite direction, past everything until she hit the corner of the bus lot. Eva sat in that corner for awhile, alone and trying to think. Before anyone would come and try to find her, she stood up and walked into the bus, grabbing her things, then into the venue, preparing for soundcheck. She hardly talked to anyone, didn't joke or mess around during the show, and avoided any real social interaction at all. Maybe Eva was being childish, but why couldn't these things be a two-way conversation opposed to a lecture. It isn't fair. 

She'd successfully avoided long, drawn-out conversations with everyone for a few days, just sleeping or writing during the long hours on the bus. Brendon tried discussing it, but she didn't want to, mainly because she was just going to be stubborn on this issue. Eva's phone rang one night in her bunk, Theo calling her later then usual, which scared her. "Why are you avoiding everyone on the tour?" he asked completely unsolicited. When Eva recovered from the out-of-the-blue question, she replied. "Dad had an anxiety attack and I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said no. I'm forced to always talk about how I feel and do things out of my comfort zone, so why shouldn't he?" Theo sighed a bit before Eva continued. "I know, Theo. I know it's so stupid, but I'm tired of being this 'problem.' No one else talks about theirs and it fucking sucks. Why am I expected to be an open book when no one else can be read." It took the boy a minute to answer, because honestly, it was kind of a good point. "E, this is your first tour and you relapsed from all of the stress and past experiences at shows. They're scared out of their minds for you, especially Brendon. You both don't want to burden each other with your own issues, so you ask about the other person's, to no avail. And you're not a problem in any capacity, so please never say that." Eva shook her head and rolled her eyes gently before paying attention to the real advice. "So what do I do?" Eva asked, starting to feel her anger break apart piece by piece. "Talk to him, E. That's all you can do." She nodded and finished talking to Theo before rolling from her bunk. As she did so, someone walked through, catching the girl unexpectedly before she hit the floor. It was Brendon.

"You called Theo, didn't you?" she asked in his arms, still recovering from the fall. Brendon nodded before walking to the back lounge and laying her down on a couch. Eva moved her feet and patted the seat next to her. "It's not fair." Brendon looked utterly confused. "You make me talk about all of my problems out loud and address things I don't want to address before I'm ready to do it, and sure, I've become a better person from it. But, why aren't you doing the same? I know this tour is draining you, that anxiety attack proves it. Why can't you just talk about it like you've forced me to do so many times?" The tall man exhaled deeply. He didn't know how to respond. "I'm the parent E. My problems are mine to worry about, but a fifteen year old kid shouldn't do this shit alone, especially with everything that's happened this tour specifically." Brendon's eyes wandered down to her covered forearms before looking back up to her. The anger was coming back. "Don't you use that against me again, Dad. That's not fucking fair. I talked about that for way too long now." The two were getting frustrated with each other, tension in the air becoming thick. 

"I'm the adult Eva! I'm allowed to not talk about things, especially because I understand my issues. Your stuff, you hardly understand it. I make you talk to me because God knows what will happen one day if you don't. If that fucking tour bus scene  was bad, what else could you possibly do?" Eva stared at her Dad carefully, feeling tears well up among the anger. He was scared, for her and of her. "Stop talking about that night, it's gone, done. I'm working through my stuff, and I was getting somewhere. Don't pull this on me." 

"You could fucking die one day without talking about this stuff! Look what happened when you didn't talk about Caleb." Brendon screamed. "Stop talking about it!" she screamed back. "Why can't you just treat me like I'm not some experiment meant to make you feel good? I'm a fucking person with shit just like everyone else on this tour. But, you can't move past my mistakes. All I am anymore to anyone is one fucking mistake." Eva quickly walked to her bunk and grabbed a small bag with a few clothes and toiletries. She also grabbed her journal before walking to the bus door and talking to Kenny. "I'm staying on a different bus. I'll meet you guys at the final venue." The guitarist stood and met the girl at the bus entrance before walking with her outside. "E, you don't have to do this. You're both just exhausted, stay here and talk about it." He saw her blue hair flying a bit in the wind, the moonlight making it more turquoise then royal blue. "Kenny, I love him to death and I have a lot to thank him for. But, I saw the way he looked at me in there. He thinks I've given up or something, that I'll just turn and break everything in my sight at any moment.  He's scared of me, and I can't handle it right now Ken." She took an unsteady breath before whimpering the one thing she never thought she'd admit to herself or anyone else. "Kenny, I'm scared of myself right now, and knowing my family feels the same, I'm losing everyone." The man nodded before pulling her into his chest and sighing as Eva could only choke out compressed sobs. Brendon needed Eva right now more then ever, and he had a sneaking suspicion that it was the same for her. "Keep us updated." Another shadow came up next to them. The shadow's arms wrapped around her as well, muffling her hearing at she barely heard the two musicians talking. "...fight...upset...scared...doesn't want to stay...You sure..." After that, the strong grip tightened around her as they picked her up and carried Eva towards another bus. When Eva looked up, she saw neon red hair and a sleeve of colored tattoos. "Thank you Josh." she whispered quietly.