//thirty seven - try to love me and i'll try to save you//

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Tour was slowly coming to an end, the last show in Spain having happened last night and the bands getting a travel day to go back to the UK and perform a few nights, finally rounding out the tour with a few shows in California and heading home. Eva missed home, more than she ever thought she could. After a week of constantly being around her dad and mom and the pups, it felt wrong to be touring.

She was also starting to feel slightly better every day, still fighting an overhead of sadness like a routine but feeling better overall than she had in a long time. Eva rolled out of her bunk and landly lightly on her feet, walking outside of the buses and sitting down with her phone, scrolling through it and reading comments and post she was tagged in. The farther she went, the more mixed reviews she got from fans. Some were kind and others were hateful. Terribly hateful. As Eva looked up from her phone, she realized she was walking. Walking far away from everything without even realizing it. When she looked at her surroundings, she found her a few steps into a busy street, only feet away from cars buzzing past, a few honking at the wandering girl. "What the fuck?" she spoke, suddenly shaking and dropping her phone onto the asphalt. Another car honked, forcing her to jump back and fall to the sidewalk, her breath refusing to collect and her eyes watering. Did she just try to get hit? She had no clue she was walking but as she tried to remember, she could recall standing and running. Eva ran all the way to the busiest street, on purpose, but without her even knowing it. She was too encompassed by the hate, by the people prodding at everything wrong with her. She quickly dialed a number she never thought she would willingly use. 

"Dr. Miranda's office, how can I assist you?" a high pitched, honey voice said, far too enthusiastic for Eva's liking right now. "This is Eva Urie, I need to speak to Dr. Miranda. Now." Her words were rushing and she felt like she was drowning right there on the curbside. "Sweetie, you'll have to make-" 

"I'm currently in Spain and making my way to the UK. This is an emergency, please just connect me." The woman did so without any other words, her doctor's voice coming through the line seconds later. "Ms. Urie, what seems to be the issue." She told him everything, the traumas from the tour and the bad days and the near-death experience she caused herself without knowing it. "Eva, I need you to call someone on tour with you and stay with them until you calm down and can assess everything better okay? Stay with them and the minute you're back home, come in and we can discuss everything. If you need to, go to a hospital in the UK. Should I call Brendon?" Eva thought for a second and realized that Brendon would be little help right now. "No, no. I can ask someone from tour." Dr. Miranda asked to stay on the line with her until someone came which Eva happily complied to. She texted Vic, knowing he was the kind of comfort she needed and Tony was probably asleep from being exhausted and always looking after her. A few minutes later, Vic ran up, gently touching Eva's shoulder. The touch alone caused her final break. She handed the phone to Vic and threw her head in her hands. 

"Dr. Miranda? Yes, I'm one of the band members. Can you explain what happened? I don't think that she can right now." He stayed on the phone for a few more minutes but Eva couldn't bear to listen or watch or do anything but sit there and think about what she could have ended up as; dead. Soon enough, Vic was sitting next to her, holding her into his side and wrapping his arms around her. "I can't remember doing it. I didn't realize until I was halfway into the traffic. I just ran and I didn't even know." she whispered in broken sobs, not wanting to really admit out loud the truth. Vic nodded, cooing her into a more calm state by whispering one of their songs so softly she could hardly make it out. Once her sobs had stopped and she was just left to shaking and panting, her face turned into Vic's chest. "I don't know what to do anymore. No one can save me." Vic gasped silently, carefully cradling this precious life. 

"We're gonna get you help, darlin'. I promise, okay? Please believe me, you can be saved and you will be." Eva nodded and latched onto him again. After a few minutes, he lifted her up and placed her on her feet, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and trying to guide her back to the buses. He was still in shock, knowing that if she hadn't snapped out of it, she could be dead right now. He knew she needed different help, the help they all dreaded need for her. But it was time, now was time. They got back to buses, all of them getting ready to drive to the airport for them to travel. Vic found Tony and quietly explained the situation, leaving him with tears in his eyes. Vic left Eva with him, holding each other on the couch and trying to hold in their cries. Meanwhile, Vic collected all of the band members and discussed what he wanted to pretend wasn't real. Lastly, he looked at Brendon and told him to call Dr. Miranda per his request. Brendon left to take the phone call and that was when Vic finally got to cry, to panic, to feel everything he was refusing to acknowledge. Mike asked the room to clear, all of the band members going to mourn in their own ways will Mike held onto his brother and listened to his thoughts. It was an hour of crying from both of them, acknowledging that they'd have to get Eva real help, not just shifts of drummers and guitar players and front men. They needed real help, and that entire bus was terrified. 

When they arrived at the airport, Eva rode on Brendon's back, whispering apologies into his neck as he kept trying to tell her it wasn't her fault and that she'd be okay. She wasn't believing any of it though. The fan hate got too much, the family trauma got too much, her life got to be too much and she was falling apart. Everyone but Eva knew that it wasn't her fault, but she'd never come to believe that. Soon enough they all got on the plane, Eva latching onto Tony's arm and staring blankly forward. He and Vic kept talking to her, everything involving how much love they held for her. She knew it was true but she could barely hear it. She could barely understand. She was too busy being caught in the infinite web of her thoughts. 

a/n: i found a new love for this story but it's gonna get really sad again so sorry


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