If I Could Tell Him

Chapter sixteen

EVAN POV

Evan woke up with his head on Connor's chest. For a second he panicked, but then he remembered where he was. Connor's new house. He took a breath and snuggled into Connor. Zoe barreled through the door screaming "IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL YOU GAYS LET'S MOVE IT." Evan sat straight up, nearly hyperventilating. Connor groaned and shoved his head under the covers.

"Five more minutes..." he mumbled, yawning. Evan curled himself under Connor's good arm and kissed him gently.

"C-come on Connor." He said softly, pulling on Connor's arm. He grumbled and finally sat up, stretching. Evan admired his boyfriends muscles as they rippled with his stretch.

"It's rude to stare, you know." Connor laughed, making Evan blush. "Now get out! I need to change!" Evan let him shoo him out of the room and dreamily grabbed one of Connor's hoodies on his way out.

When he got into the hallway, he pulled the hoodie over his head and met Zoe in the kitchen. "Won't your mom be worried?" Zoe asked, eyebrow raised.

"I f-forgot..." oh god. Was he really that much of a mess? He grabbed his phone and called his mother. "H-hi mom." He said nervously as she picked up.

"Hi sweetie! Sorry I was working all night I'm on my way home now."

"O-oh. Um, I'm a-at Connor's." He said, twisting a hoodie string between his fingers.

"Okay Ev. Use protection! I love you!" She said cheerfully, causing Evan to turn bright red.

"M-m-mom!" He stuttered, unable to formulate words. She laughed. "B-bye." He hung up, still blushing furiously.

"You okay?" Zoe asked with a smirk.

"Piss off, Zoe." Connor appeared in the kitchen wearing a long sleeved gray shirt (the arm with the cast had the sleeve rolled up) with dark blue jeans. "Ready to go?" Connor grabbed the keys and started heading out to the car.

"I call sh-shotgun!" Evan said, jumping in the front seat. Zoe grumbled and got in the back. As Connor drove, his casted arm lay on the armrest. It freaked Evan out that he was driving one handed. "Careful Connor!" He yelped at almost every turn.

"Relax," Connor would say smoothly each time.

Once they pulled up to the school, Connor took out the key. Zoe got out and ran for the front office, but Connor wasn't moving. Evan suddenly realized that not only was today the day they were going public as a couple, but this was the first time Connor had gone to school since his suspension. Evan lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"W-we don't have to do this t-today if you're not ready." Connor smiled and blew air out of his nose in a kind of suppressed laugh.

"I'm ready. The real question is, are they?" Evan laughed and suddenly Connor looked down at his sleeve and frowned.

"Wh-what's the matter?" Evan asked nervously.

"I've gotta tell you something." He said sadly. "Before we went out I kind of did some dumb stuff that I regret and I feel like I should tell you because you deserve to know and I love you." He looked at Evan expectantly, who nodded at him to go on. "Could you roll up my left sleeve?" He asked calmly, lifting his good arm towards Evan. As Evan slowly rolled his sleeve, he saw countless scars crisscrossing Connor's beautiful arm. Evan ran his thumb over them, not quite believing they were there. The ridges ranged from barely noticeable to nearly purple. Evan looked up at him, tears in his eyes. He finally realized why Connor always wore long sleeves. "Ugly aren't they?" Connor tried to smile.

"N-no. They're a part of y-you, so they're beautiful to m-me. You're beautiful."Evan pressed his lips to Connor's arm. "J-just don't do it a-again okay? I love y-you." He looked at Connor, who was softly crying.

"You're the first person to call me beautiful, Evan Hansen." He whispered. Evan squeezed his black nailed hand.

"I used to-to do that too..." he started, tracing his almost invisible scars. "And um..I didn't f-fall out of that t-tree. I l-let go." Saying that, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. Connor let go of his hand and pulled a pen out of his messenger bag. He gestured for Evan's arm and drew a sloppy heart on his wrist. Evan did the same for him.

"We're in this together, you and me." He said quietly. "You are not alone. We found each other and that's enough." Evan pecked his cheek, trying not to cry again.

"Th-thank you. I l-love you." He said sincerely.

"Well, let's face the day, shall we?" Connor took off his seatbelt and got out of the car, Evan following suit. Connor locked the car and threw his messenger bag over his shoulder and reached for Evan's hand, which he took gladly. The two boys walked into the high school hand in hand.