If I Could Tell Him

Chapter thirty-seven

EVAN POV

Evan lay on his and Connor's bed, staring at the ceiling. Connor and Marigold had come home and he was listening to the love of his life read a bedtime story to his daughter. He fought back tears as he heard Connor imitate the voice of a monster.

"Oh no!" Marigold shrieked, giggling. Evan quietly laughed to himself, realizing that fourteen year old him would have never dreamed his life would be as perfect as it had turned out to be. He was in love with a man who loved him as well, and had a beautiful daughter.

"Goodnight dad!" Came the little voice. "Where's dad?" She asked.

"Hmm. I don't know where dad is." Connor said. Evan could hear the smile in his voice.

"I have two dads." She said matter-of-factly.

"That's right, sweetie." Connor responded. Evan got up off the bed and walked into Marigold's room. Connor turned and smiled at Evan in that way that always made Evan's heart skip a beat. "And here's your other dad!"

"Daddy!!" Marigold squealed excitedly, running to him as fast as she could. She hugged around his knees, the only place she could reach and Evan lifted her up and spun her around.

"Hi Mari!" Evan said, hugging his daughter close to his chest. She laughed and threw her little arms around his neck. He set her down gently into Connor's arms. "It's time for bed!" Evan continued. Marigold pouted.

"I don't wanna!" She said, sticking out her bottom lip.

"What if dad sings you a song?" Connor asked innocently, smirking up at the standing Evan.

"Yay!" She cheered. "A song! A song! A song!" She chanted. She tugged on Evan's hand, pulling him down to sit by her and Connor.

"Okay, okay. One song. Then I need you to go to sleep, okay?" Evan asked, extending a pinky towards her.

"Okay!" She said cheerfully, hooking her tiny pinky in Evan's. "Dad too!" She held out her other pinky to Connor, who smiled at her and accepted it.

"What song do you want us to sing?" Evan asked, smiling.

"The special song!" She exclaimed, grinning at her fathers. With a glance into Connor's beautiful, multicolored eyes, Evan began to sing in a soft vibrato.

"What would I do
If I had not met you?
Who would I blame my life on?
Once I was told
That all men get what they deserve
Who the hell then threw this curve?
There are no answers
But who would I be
If you had not been my friend?" Evan sang.

"You're the only one
One out of a thousand others
Only one my child would allow
When I'm having fun
You're the one I wanna talk to
Where have you been?
Where are you now?" Evan continued, trying not to tear up. He ran his free hand through his hair.

"Who would I be
If I had not loved you?
How would I know what love is?
God only knows, too soon
I'll remember your faults
Meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz
There are no answers
But what would I do
If you had not been my friend?" Evan looked at Connor, signaling for him to sing his part. For some reason, Connor looked speechless. Evan mouthed the first few words and Connor seemed to snap out of  whatever trance he was in.

"All your life you've wanted men
And when you got it up to have them
Who knew it could end your life?" Connor sang smoothly.

"I  left my kid and left my wife
To be with you,
To be insulted by such handsome men." Evan continued, moving closer to his family.

"Do you regret?" Connor asked, looking Evan in the eyes as if he was really asking.

"I'd do it again.
I'd like to believe that I'd do it again
And again and again...
And
What more can I say?" Evan sang truthfully, meaning every word.

"What more can I say?" Connor repeated.

"How am I to face tomorrow?" Evan sang.

"After being screwed out of today? Tell me what's in store," they sang together, Evan noticed how well Connor's voice complemented his.

"Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow
If I could hold you for
One hour more." Evan soloed, smiling at Marigold's yawning form.

"One hour more..." they sang together, over and over again.

"What would I do.." Connor sang.

"What would I do.." Evan cut him off.

"If I had not seen you?"

"If I had not seen you...?"

"Who would I feast my eyes on?
Once I was told
That good men get better with age." They sang together.

Evan lifted his sleepy daughter and placed her in her bed as he sang the next part. "We're just gonna skip that stage.
There are no answers.
But what would I do
If you hadn't been my friend?"

"There are no answers,
But what would I do..." Connor sang sweetly, kissing his daughter on the forehead.

"No simple answers.
But what would I do
If you had not been
My friend. My friend. My friend..." Evan finished, taking Connor's hand and kissing it. They left their sleeping child in her bed and walked out of her room hand in hand.