If I Could Tell Him

Chapter forty-four

CONNOR POV

Connor finally ripped himself out of his seatbelt and held Evan's mangled form. He glanced up and noticed the truck was nowhere to be seen. Typical. He thought angrily, trying to stop the ever thickening flow of tears.

"I'm right h-here..." Connor whispered over and over again, barely noticing the red and blue lights flashing as the police came onto the scene. He hardly even heard the deafening sirens as they approached. He tried not to get sick when Evan's hand went limp, his wedding band glistening in the light of the police lights.

"Sir." A gruff voice sounded from outside, causing Connor to glance up. "Please get out of the vehicle." Connor sobbed harder, clinging to Evan's limp body.

"Please, no..." Came Connor's strangled whisper.

"Son..." the officer said in a gentler tone.

"Don't call me son!" Connor snapped back harshly.

"We have to see if he's going to make it." The officer continued. This got Connor's attention. Evan could already be gone.

Gone...Connor thought. What a horrible word. He tried to think of anything but that word, but it replayed in is mind over and over. He forced himself to get out of the car, lifting Evan's ruined body gingerly out of his seat.

"Be careful with him..." Connor pleaded in a shattered voice. He held his love out to the stretcher that was provided, but when he saw the paramedic reach for his fragile husband, Connor changed his mind. He found himself pulling Evan back to his chest.

"Sweetheart..." the woman said, arms still outstretched to take Evan. Connor looked up at her, his eyes wide with fear.

"Don't hurt him." He managed softly.

"We'll do our best." The paramedic answered, gently prying Evan from his arms. The sympathy dripping from her lips made Connor want to punch her in the face. This woman was a stranger. She didn't know Evan. She didn't know how his hair looked all messed up after he woke up. She didn't know how he smiled at Connor across the table when they ate together. She didn't know how Evan had the habit of singing under his breath while doing menial chores. She didn't know anything.

It was simply the fear that Evan could already be...Connor shook his head to get the thought out of his mind as he allowed his husband to be laid on the stretcher.

Connor began seriously debating whether or not it was worth going on if Evan didn't make it. He had no reason to. If he never heard Evan's musical laughter again, what was the purpose of living any longer? Connor pulled at his hair and sobbed, sitting on the curb. He wasn't even sure how he got there. At this point, he didn't care. He just wanted the suffering to end. Connor Hansen had nothing else left to lose.

"Daddy?"

Marigold...

Connor looked up at his daughter. His tiny, perfect, Marigold. He held out his arms to her and she collapsed in them, weeping. Connor's eyes stung, his throat was hoarse and his head ached, but he held his girl close. She would be his reason to live. They sat and cried on the curb. And for the first time in his life, Connor prayed.

An officer cleared his throat, causing the two to look up.

"Do you want to ride in the ambulance with him?" The man asked. The words had just left his lips when Connor scrambled into the dreaded ambulance desperately, his daughter in his arms.