If I Could Tell Him

Chapter forty-five

CONNOR POV

Connor kept one hand in Evan's still, limp one. The other he wrapped around his daughter, who was securely attached to his hip.

"You're gonna b-be ok, Ev..." Connor whispered to his husband, shakily leaning down to kiss his torn forehead. It was cold, and Connor felt drying blood against his lips. "You have to be..."

"Excuse me, sir." The paramedic lady said softly, pushing needles into Evan's paling skin. There was a time when Evan would jump and squeak in fear at the sight of a needle, but now he was just laying limp. No signs of movement or fear. Connor hated it.

As the ambulance pulled up to the hospital, the stretcher was transferred from the vehicle onto a roller.

"Be careful!" Connor barked protectively, making Mari jump.

"S-scared me." She said in a small voice, burying her face in Connor's neck, her cheeks wet with tears. Guilt shot through Connor. His daughter loved Evan, too. Although Connor never had a strong father figure, he knew that having that guidance was important and Marigold could be losing hers. He had to pull it together for her.

"I'm sorry, honey." Connor told her, stroking her hair. "Dad's just a little overwhelmed right now."

"H-he's gonna b-be fine...r-right, dad?" Marigold asked, looking at Connor trustingly and breaking his heart in the process. What was he supposed to say to her? Was he supposed to lie and tell her that Evan was okay, that they were just playing pretend and he'd pop out at any moment and hug them both? Or was he supposed to tell her the crushing truth, that her dad might not make it? That Evan might be dying just feet away?

"I'm...I'm not sure, sweetheart." Connor said finally, his voice breaking.

"Oh." Came Marigold's whispered reply. Her voice sounded scratchy and desperate, the single syllable ringing in Connor's ears.

"This way please, dears." A nurse led the two of them to a nauseatingly cheerful waiting room.

"I want to see my husband." Connor said shortly, the portraits of smiling families making him increasingly uncomfortable.

"I'm afraid that's not possible right now." The nurse replied, not an ounce of regret in her silvery voice. Connor could have ripped her head off. He felt the tears pushing against his eyes and fought them as hard as he could, swallowing painfully. Connor flipped her off while her back was turned.

"Thanks for nothing." He said bitterly, sitting down and holding Marigold on his lap.

"What was that?" The nurse asked, turning back around with a sickly sweet smile.

"Oh noth-" Connor started.

"He said thanks for nothing." Marigold said coldly, her tone making Connor turn to her in surprise. The nurse's expression melted into one of confusion and slight annoyance. "And I agree. You've just been rude. My dad is in there and I wanna see him. I'm s-scared..." the small girl continued, forcing the tears to spill out of Connor's eyes.

"Well there's nothing I can do about it." The woman snapped cruelly, making Marigold flinch.

"Don't speak to my daughter that way." Connor said protectively, holding Marigold close. "If you're not going to be of any help then fuck off." He half expected Evan to chastise him for swearing in front of Marigold, who had covered her ears.

But Evan didn't come running down the hall to say his name gently or put his hand on Connor's arm to let him know nonverbally that he shouldn't say those things in front of the child

No, Evan was laying somewhere in a sterile hospital room.

Alone.

Which reminded Connor of the task at hand. "Just get lost." He told the nurse, who huffed and walked away, muttering about 'manners.' Connor pulled out his phone and made all the phone calls he could, explaining what happened to Jared, Heather, Zoe, Alana, Heidi, and Cynthia. Each time he described the crash, he felt his throat tighten more.

He couldn't believe this was happening to him. This was something you read about. Not something you actually experienced. So when the people he called came through the doors, worried and crying and in search of comfort, Connor realized he had none to give.

"Hansen?" A man called finally, causing the weeping group to look up. Connor stood.

"That's m-my husband." He said

"We have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"

"Good n-news first. Please..." Heidi said, desperate for some kind of solace.

"Evan is alive." The man told them. A sigh of relief went though the small crowd.

"And the bad news?" Asked Zoe, her eyes rimmed red from crying.

"He's slipped into a coma."