If I Could Tell Him

Chapter twenty-one

EVAN POV

Evan lay in Connor's lap under a tree in the orchard. Sure, some parts of life were shitty, but this part was the best. Connor was stroking Evan's hair absentmindedly, causing him to get goosebumps. Every time Connor touched him it was like he was getting reborn. He knew without a doubt that this was who he was meant to be with.

"Hey Evan?"

"Hmm?" Evan responded sleepily.

"How long have you been crushing on me?" Connor asked, now tracing his soft fingers lightly along Evan's facial features.

"Well, um, l-let me think.." Evan was distracted by Connor's gentle touch along his cheekbones. "When I f-first saw you, I th-thought you w-were the most beautiful p-person I'd e-ever seen." His eyes were closed but he felt he could safely assume the Connor was blushing gorgeously.

"Yeah?" He asked, stroking down Evan's nose before tapping the tip of it lightly, causing Evan to giggle softly.

"Y-yeah. And I..I remember being so, so s-scared. I mean, being g-gay is wrong r-right? That's what e-everyone said. I w-was already an out...an outcast. S-so I kept it in. I t-turned it off. I pretended to h-have a crush on Z-Zoe. I thought to myself, 'why would he e-ever feel the same way? He's...well he's so...great. He's p-probably taken. Because who wouldn't w-want to date him? And I'm j-just a loser with anxiety. He deserves so much b-better.' But everyday....everyday I would th-think of you. I c-couldn't deny that I was completely and t-totally gay for you. And I still am." Evan felt himself blush. Connor was lightly outlining his jawline. "S-sorry."

"You apologize a lot." Connor smirked, now working his fingers down to Evan's collarbones, lazily caressing him.

"Sorry." Evan said involuntarily. Connor laughed smoothly.

"It's okay. You don't need to apologize to me, or anyone for that matter. You are so cute and amazing and...well there's nothing you need to apologize for."  Evan felt Connor's fingers slide up his neck and trace across his lips. He was hypnotized by Connor's touch.

"Okay." He whispered softly, almost inaudibly. Connor softly tapped Evan's closed eyelids, causing Evan to open his eyes and look up at his perfect, angelic boyfriend. The brown spot in his eye may have looked like a flaw to some, but to Evan, it made Connor even more stunning. "What?"

"I just wanted you too look at me. It gives me quite a rush." Connor grinned down at him, displaying his perfect teeth. "Also I don't think I ever officially apologized." He said, his smile disappearing.

"F-for what?" Evan asked, confused.

"For um...for pushing you down in the hallway. And for saying those things to you. That was a real dick move. I hate that I hurt you. I think about it daily, and I know I'll never forgive myself for it. But maybe I can have your forgiveness?" He asked hopefully, gracing the side of Evan's face with the back of his hand.

"Of course I f-forgive you." Evan stumbled over his words in his urgency to tell him that it was a past mistake. "It's o-okay. I know you d-didn't mean it. R-right?" Connor's eyebrows shot up.

"I didn't mean any of it. I promise. And I hate myself everyday that I ever did that to you. It will never happen again, I swear on my life." Evan smiled.

"Okay good. I mean notthefirstpartdonthateyourselfitsokaynobodysperfectandimeansorryimeannotsorryimeanthanksforapologozingsorryohididntmeantoapologizeagainimean..." he trailed off, cursing himself for allowing his mouth to run like that. Again.

Connor chuckled softly and bent down to kiss Evan, his soft lips perfectly aligning with Evan's. He tilted his head to the side, and Evan took Connor's face in his hands, continuing to kiss him. Connor bit Evan's lower lip gently, making the boy gasp. He pulled away, letting Evan's lip go as he did.

"Jesus Christ, Evan. I am so goddamn in love with you. I didn't think anyone could love someone this much." Evan self consciously covered his face with his hand. Connor took his wrist and moved it away from his face. "Hey, don't hide my boyfriends beautiful face." He said, making Evan blush deeply.

"I love you, Connor. S-so much." He said, still not used to the fact that the most amazing person in the world was his. He pushed himself up and laid his head on Connor's chest, smelling the familiar scent of his Old Spice. He made himself comfortable in Connor's lap, nestling in, and he felt a heavy cast being placed in front of his chest. Connor's good arm followed soon behind, and he lay his chin on Evan's head.

"I love you, too. And nothing will ever change that."

A wave of deja vu hit Evan as he remembered the first time they were in that orchard together. The first time Connor's perfect, full lips met his. He closed his eyes and just felt everything around him. Connor's body, the wind, the ground, everything. He sighed in satisfaction and tilted up his head to peck the underside of Connor's jaw. Then he settled back and looked out at the beautiful scene before him. All he saw was sky, for forever.

Hey! So next chapter will be the prom chapter!! Hope you're excited because I'm trying to make it absolutely perfect. I love you all! Thanks so much for 600 reads!!!! -zz💙