The Other Side of the Mirror

Sam

POV: Sam

It's been a week since Demi has put me here. I'm sick as a dog from the withdrawals of cocaine and alcohol. My want for them has grown greatly since I've stepped in here, because if I want to stop being sick right now I need it. I need to feel better.

Since I've stepped in here my flashbacks have also worsened. The drugs and alcohol numb the pain that I haven't dealt with. It puts it on the back burner. All of the flashbacks and memories are put away so I can focus on what is going on right now.

Right now I'm throwing up again for the third time today.

The workers have told me that it gets better, but they don't know me. Will I physically feel better? Yes, but emotionally I will feel worse.

Will I ever tell anyone that I need help emotionally? No, of course not. I have PTSD from the incident and I was born with bipolar disorder, but everyone forgot about everything that happened before the incident. They all zeroed in on the bad and pushed the good away, so it's a little challenging to keep my head up at times.

"Do you need any help Sam?" Jack, the worker I got paired up with, asked me from the other side of the door.

"Yes, I need help throwing up. How does one help with the task of throwing up?" I asked sarcastically as I sat up against the wall beside the toilet.

"I could hold your hair back." His voice held hope. One word from him held more hope than I did in all of my years since the incident combined.

"That's what the hair-tie is for. It's got my back.
Thanks though." I rolled my eyes at the end. I knew he was just trying to help, so I can't be a complete bitch, but it's part of my job to be a bitch.

"No problem. Yell if you need me." His footsteps faded away and I let out a sigh before standing and looking at myself in the mirror. I flicked the cold water on so I could drown out my labored breathing. I can't stand to hear myself.

My face is pale, my eyes hold no color, my hair looks like a rat's nest, and when the only true image that shows is a scared lifeless girl. Yeah, I'm twenty-one, but I'm still the scared girl I was when I was younger. My body has grown, but my emotions have not. I've just become numb and good at hiding pain.

My hands wrapped around the cloth that hung from the side of the wall on the hook and ran it under the cold water. The water darkened the cloth as my hands got colder.

I squeezed it a little before bringing it to my pale face. My lifeless face.

The movie played for the third time today. I have three movies in the place and that's it. They won't let me have my phone or anything. It sucks ass because I can't even talk to my family.

"Hey," my head snapped around to lock eyes with Demi. She had card and one of Teagan's teddy bears in her hands. "Teagan wanted me to give you this. She said it's her favorite teddy bear and it always makes her feel better." Her smile was contagious. I couldn't help but smile back as she sat beside me on the couch.

"Yeah, that's the one she calls Danny." I smiled at her as she handed me the teddy bear.

"And this is from all of the guys. I met all of them two days ago when they came over to check on your mom and Teagan. I was over there to say hi and give them an update." She handed me the card, and when I opened it two pictures fell out into my hands. The picture of my brothers and our families all hanging out together when we went camping, and the picture of us overseas when it was my birthday. They woke me up at 12:00 just to yell happy birthday and hand me presents that they secretly bought at the market. Erik always had his polaroid on him that he can make it go off with a remote, so he took all of the pictures. All of the best and worst moments. Some of his pictures have been in the news due to his talent.