February Night

Chapter 17

The next day, Lucy hurried to get to the bookstore just to get her mind off all the thoughts she had been having during the night. For the first time since she had moved into her own apartment, she had wished to have Roxy here so she could have had someone to cuddle with. Late at night – it was about 4am – Lucy had finally found some sleep. But it hadn't been enough. She was craving coffee. A lot of coffee.

Yawning, Lucy opened the door and stepped into the bookshop. The first thing she did, was preparing some coffee before she sat down at the counter to check if she would have to order new books.

It was after lunch time – Lucy has had a quick salad – when she suddenly started to feel weird. She couldn't describe the feeling but she felt as if someone was watching her. She looked up but there was no one in the bookstore but her. She was all alone in here. Lucy shook her head and tried to concentrate on her work again. But she couldn't. Once again, it was as if someone was staring at her. Her head shot up and her heart sank when she now saw a man standing outside the bookstore.

He stared at Lucy, with his hands buried in the pockets of his dark blue jeans. Although he was standing outside, Lucy could see that his eyes were a light shade of blue, almost like ice. She swallowed and tried to calm down her heart that had started to beat faster in her chest. She stared back, trying to figure out who he was. She knew, she had seen him before but her mind couldn't put him into the right place.

It was just when his lips parted into an evil smile when Lucy finally realized who was standing there. She gasped and her fingers clawed into the wooden counter so hard, her knuckles turned white. It was him. He had found her. Lucy's chest tightened and she took deep breaths to get rid of that feeling.

For some more seconds, they kept staring at each other before the man turned around and walked away. Lucy let out a loud sigh. She grabbed the chair and pulled it closer so she could sit down. Her knees were shaking so hard, they wouldn't carry her for longer.

Minutes passed that felt like an eternity to Lucy while she just kept staring into space. Her thoughts were running wild and she had trouble calming down her breathing. She needed to get herself together again, she couldn't freak out right now. It wouldn't help at all. So, Lucy went back to her work and she managed to get everything she had wanted to do done today. But as soon as she closed the laptop, she started to feel insecure again. She felt as if she was observed again, but when she looked outside, she couldn't see the man anymore. Sighing, Lucy grabbed her jacket and bag and closed the bookstore.

Faster than usual, she made her way home. She had to keep herself from running all the way to her apartment. She didn't even stop by at the Thai restaurant to grab some food as she usually did at least twice a week. She just wanted to get home as fast as possible and bury herself in her bed. Why was her life like a goddamn rollercoaster? Why was she feeling good and happy at one time (mostly when she was with Spencer) and then afraid and tensed the other? Oh, because she couldn't manage to finally open up about what had happened back in New York and tell her brother about it, that was why.

After a shower, Lucy buried herself in bed with some Netflix. There was no way she could get anything done. She just wanted to distract herself with some TV shows to get rid of the running thoughts in her head.

~

During the next days, Lucy couldn't shake off the nervousness that had taken over her. Too often she found her hands shaking due to her nerves and she took deep breaths to calm herself down way too many times. She also realized that she had to sit on the toilet more often than usual. Of course, her stomach was reacting to the nerves. And Lucy was glad she didn't live with Luke anymore. He would have noticed her shaking hands and the fact that she was a bundle of nerves. But that way, Luke didn't know anything about the guy outside the bookstore yet and Lucy wouldn't let him notice anything anytime soon. First, she had to arrange her thoughts again.

Lucy worked even more at the bookstore although there were moments she didn't feel safe. But what else should she do? Staying at home, where she felt safe, would drive her insane. She wouldn't be able to distract herself enough there. So, the bookstore was the only place she could get distraction. Working at what she loved was the best cure. The nightmares Lucy had, were enough to bear. She tried to avoid the bad things during the day, but it was hard. Every so often her eyes wandered to the door and the front of the store, which was made of glass just to see if there was the man standing out there again. She couldn't help but mostly feel observed since the day she had seen him here. But he didn't appear anymore, not once. She hadn't seen him in town neither. And sometimes, Lucy wondered if she had just imagined seeing him that day. What if she was going insane? What if the guy hadn't been there at all?

Lucy winced when the doorbell suddenly rang and the door opened. Her head shot up, in expectation to see someone she didn't want to. When she realized, it was Spencer who had entered the bookstore, she was surprised. She hadn't seen him in almost two weeks. "Hey", she greeted him and forced a smile. Spencer smiled back, his much wider than hers.

"Hey. I thought I could drop in and bring you some coffee." He held up a paper cup. Lucy chuckled and grabbed it.

"Thank you." She took a sip and couldn't hold back a real smile now. He still knew what she liked most when it came to coffee.

"I haven't seen you in quite a long time. Is work exhausting at the moment?", Lucy asked as Spencer leaned against the counter. He looked ridiculously handsome, as always, and Lucy tried to not stare at his face all the time.

"Yeah, there was pretty much to do", Spencer said and brushed a strand of his brown hair out of his eyes. "How have you been all these days?"

Lucy had to fight the urge to tell him everything. Instead, she just shrugged. "Oh, I've been good. Working a lot." Smiling, she pointed at the computer. Yes, she was telling the truth. There had been quite a lot of work. She had to order some copies of books that were very popular here and sold out already and she had also to order books that had just been released.

"Is that why you're looking so tired?"

Wow, Spencer didn't hold back with being honest. But she knew that people would see the dark circles under her eyes. They were huge, Lucy was aware of that. Spencer examined her intently and Lucy swallowed hard when she realized it. She tried to avoid looking at him now

"I...yes", she eventually murmured and played with the cup in her hands. She moved it back and forth before she took another sip. Much to her relief, Spencer got a phone call just the second he had opened his mouth to say something. Sighing, he answered it and then told Lucy that he had to go. There was a case somewhere in Chicago. Lucy just nodded and watched him leave. She knew Spencer hadn't believed her that she was tired because of work. She assumed that he thought something was wrong. She had seen it in the way he had looked at her. What if he would ask her directly? Would she be able to tell him what was wrong? She couldn't even tell Luke. And Lucy hated herself for being such a goddamn coward.