Anger Issues

forty six

Austin

I was at a loss of words. I couldn't do anything, I had no reaction, no thought process.

I just felt like I broke. Jess never got this emotional over anything. And while she had every right to, I had no idea what to do.

"Stop," I finally said, shaking my head. "Stop blaming yourself," I continued, wrapping my arms around her.

"It's my fault, Austin," she sobbed. "It's not your fault, Jess. You didn't even known until a few days ago," I said.

She pulled away from the hug. "I could've done something differently," she shook her head.

"What did you do, Jess? What did you do that could've hurt the baby?"

I asked the question harshly. Not because I was blaming her, but because there was no way for her to answer. Because. She. Didn't. Do. Anything.

"I don't know," she shakily spoke. "But nothing else could have caused it."

I sat with Jess for an hour, calming both myself and her. We let everything out, or at least the most of it. Some things just couldn't be said, and those were the worse parts.

She had her head against my shoulder, and her hand hadn't left her stomach. She kept it pressed there since she sat down again.

"Do you think people at school might find out?" She asked. I shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not," I said. "Unless we tell anyone-"

"No. Don't tell anyone," she cut me off. I was caught off guard by her sudden burst, but nodded my head anyway. "Okay."

In seconds, Nite ran through Jess' door, jumping onto the bed. He sat between the two of us, bringing a slight smile to me.

Jess though, still had a straight face. She turned on her side to pet Nite, but her expression hadn't changed.

"How do you think Kyle and Kayla are holding up?" I asked, trying to change the topic. "Shit, probably," she said.

I didn't know what to say after that. We both desperately needed to talk about something, anything else. 

"Are you hungry?" I asked her. "We can go grab something.. or make something if you want," I suggested, hoping that it would change our minds.

But she simply shook her head. "My mom will be home in a few hours, anyway," she said. "You don't have to stay with me, Austin."

"I do," I said. I was going to explain, but I figured it was better not to. It would just bring us back to the topic.

"Good," she said. "I don't want you to go," she added. I leaned down, and softly kissed her head. "I love you, so much, babe."