Anger Issues

fifty two

Jessica

I didn't even have anything to say to him after that. I was speechless.

I let out a scoff, before grabbing my bag and heading for the door. "Jess," he called after me.

I ignored him and started walking home, trying my best not to let tears escape. Hearing his footsteps approach me, I tried walking faster, but it was no use. In seconds, he stood in front of me.

I tried getting my way around him but he wouldn't let me. "Stop, Austin," I said, avoiding his eyes. "Jess, listen to me-" "Fuck off, Austin!" I snapped.

He immediately stopped speaking. Finally gathering the courage to look into his eyes, he looked hurt.

I hurt him.

I immediately felt guilt, but was in no mood to mess around anymore. Walking around him, I didn't turn, I didn't even glance back at him. Either way, if I did, he wouldn't be there.

As I inched closer home, I wiped my eyes from the tears that had fallen. I hated the way I was acting, but I wasn't "off the rails."

Once I got inside, Dad was home. I was taken back by his early presence. He usually got home at night.

He started drinking so much that I barely talked to him anymore. He'd leave in the morning, come home at night, drink, eat, and sleep.

"How was school?" He asked. He wasn't drunk? Wow..

"Good," I lied. I needed to look casual, so I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for food that I didn't even want.

"Why are you crying?" He asked. "I- I'm not," I stuttered, forcing a smile. "It's cold outside, my eyes got watery," I lied.

He nodded his head, completely convinced. I actually had a normal conversation with him. I couldn't remember the last time that happened.

That thought itself made me break down again. I was ruining my life, breaking off relationships without even realizing.

Austin, Noah and I were always fighting.. I barely talked to Dad.. Mom was always stressed so I didn't talk to her a lot, and to any other friends, I was trying to be myself which wasn't really me.

I put my bag down and sniffed, as tears continued to stream down my cheeks. I wasn't even sure what to do. I couldn't control how I acted and while I realized what I was doing, I never realized as I did it.

I didn't want to let myself hurt, though. I just wanted my mind on something else at all times, anything but me, starting now.

Grabbing my laptop, I looked at my email, looking for any school work I could do.

That's when I realized I had none, I was doing this so often that assignments due next week were already completed.

I wanted something on my mind, but I also wanted to clear my mind. That was a horrible mixture for me.

For some reason, I kept refreshing my email hoping to get some sort of assignment to work on. Suddenly, a new email came in from my history teacher. I actually gasped in excitement. I wasn't me at all.

Hello Students,

Please order the following textbook

(Link)

And have it in class by next week. We'll use it to review and study.

Thanks,
Mr. H

I sighed, all I needed was a book. I did it anyway, making sure to choose the quickest shipping to get it here faster. At least then, I could waste my time reading that nonsense.

My phone vibrated, making me pull it out of my pocket, to see a text from Kyle.

Kyle
Wyd

Me
Nothing wbu

Kyle
Wanna hang out?

Me
Sure where

Kyle
Idk you pick. I'll pick u up in 15

Me
Okay

Getting up, I forced myself to stop crying. Looking in the mirror, my makeup had become a mess. Taking a wipe, I took it all off, not even bothering to make myself look presentable. The only thing I added was concealer under my eyes.

I took off my contacts, too, and put eye drops in to make my eyes look less red, before putting on my glasses, and waiting for Kyle.

Going downstairs, I saw Dad in the same place I left him.

"Dad, I'm going out with Kyle for a little," I said. "Okay, do you need anything?" He asked. "No, I'll be fine," I said.

I waited for a few minutes, getting a text from Kyle that he was at my house. Walking out, I sat in the front seat of his car, beside him.

"Why the sudden hangout?" I asked. "Cause Austin told me you've been avoiding him," he simply said, driving off.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Please don't," I said. "Alright, I won't," he put a hand up. "But what's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, we're just going through shit," I said. "Are you sure that's it?" He asked. I hesitated to answer. No more than three seconds passed before he knew I was lying.

"Spill," he said. I sighed. "There's nothing to spill, honestly," I lied. "Do you wanna know how I know you're lying?" He asked. "I'm not," I.. lied.

He shook his head, stopping at a light. Grabbing his phone, he quickly opened up his texts with Austin, handing his phone to me.

I started reading the messages, and couldn't feel anything but guilt for how shitty of a person I was being towards him.