Anger Issues

93

Jessica

I ran to Kyle's locker after going to mine, putting my hand against it for dramatic affect.

"Did you get it?" I asked. He looked at me, sighing. Pulling it out of his locker, he looked reluctant.

"Jess, I-" "Don't worry," I said, taking it from his hand. "Just don't be stupid," he said. I nodded, hugging him quickly, before walking outside.

I knew Noah was picking me up, so I hid the pen in my bag, putting it between my books. After that, I took out my phone and called Noah.

"Hey, I'm outside," he said. "Alright, I'll be there in a minute."

As I walked, I looked at the multiple texts I got from Austin during the day.

Austin
Helllooooo

Austin
Babe?

Austin
Jesss

Austin
Are you okay

Austin
Why aren't you texting me back?

I felt guilty for not answering the messages, so I finally texted back.

Me
Sorry. I wasn't using my phone during school. I'm omw home

Opening the car door, I sat inside. "Is dad home?" I asked. "Nope," he sighed. "Mom?" I asked.

He drove off, silent for a few seconds, before nodding his head.

"Did you talk to her?" I softly asked. "I tried," he shrugged. "It just felt like she didn't want me to," he added.

I nodded, just wanting to go home.

Like expected, Dad wasn't home. When I went upstairs and settled in, I hesitated to walk to Moms room.

Slowly opening the door, I saw her looking at papers. She was always working, now.

She looked stressed. She had every reason to.

"Mom.." I called. She looked up, sighing. "Get Noah," she calmly said. I nodded, stepping back down the hall.

"Noah, Mom wants to talk to us," I said. He looked at me for a second, before nodding and following me back to her room.

"How long did you guys know for?" She asked.

I sighed, already feeling the tears. We should've told her. We had so many opportunities.

"A while," Noah answered. She stayed silent. "I'm sorry," I said, so close to my voice cracking.

I saw her eyes well with tears, but I wasn't sure what to do. She cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks, before looking at us again.

"Are you mad at us?" I asked. She sighed heavily. "Its not the first time," she said, throwing me and Noah off.

"What?" Noah asked. "He's done it before. With her. I forgave him," she explained. "When? How many times?" Noah asked.

"A few years ago. I didn't wanna tell you guys. And I don't know, as far as I know, this is the second time he's been with her," she explained.

"How did you guys find out?" She asked. Noah looked at me, making me feel even more guilty. "I ordered a package, and it was delivered, but I didn't see it outside. When I went to go check the cameras, I saw them together," I explained.

"Why didn't you guys tell me?" Mom asked. At this point, I couldn't help the tears that had fallen. I could've stopped her from being this hurt. But instead I kept it from her.

"We didn't want you to be hurt," Noah said. Mom nodded, sniffing softly.

"Okay," she nodded. "Thank you," she weakly said.

We didn't know what else to say or do, so we just left the room. Noah and I didn't say anything, we just parted ways.

I wasn't holding back at this point. Slowly locking the door to my room, I went towards my bag and pulled out the pen.

I hesitated at first, but did it anyway. Holding it between my lips, I breathed in, feeling warmth fill my mouth.

Pulling it away, I blew out the puff of smoke, instantly feeling relieved.

—

An hour had passed and I took another pill, continuing to scroll through my phone. When nothing came out, I looked at the pen, seeing no oil left.

I sighed mentally. After the whole.. pregnancy thing, I threw out everything. Noah threw away the pen, and I threw out the carts and pods. So, until I bought some more, I was all out.

I sighed and slipped the pen behind my picture frame, lighting a candle to make up for the smoke that probably lingered around the ceiling.

Cracking my window open, I knew it would work. I walked to my dresser and put in a few eye drops, letting them sit in for a few minutes.

I was starving.

When I thought I was good, I went downstairs and went towards the pantry. Opening the door, I looked around for anything to eat. I grabbed a bottle of water and a pack of chocolate chip cookies, before going back up to my room.

I smiled and sat in bed, munching on the cookies. Minutes later, my phone rang with a FaceTime call from Austin. Smiling even wider, I answered it and plugged in my earbuds.

"Hi," I said. "Hi," I saw him softly smile. "Aren't you busy today?" I asked. "We're going water skiing in a few. I wanted to call you for a little," he said.

"Babe, I have a serious question," I said, as something random popped into my head.

"What is it?" He set his phone on a table, sitting in front of it. From the looks of it, he was alone in the hotel room.

"Do snails.." I paused, softly laughing. "Do snails have feet?" I asked.

"Oh my God," he put his face in his hands. "You're high high," he looked at me again.

My heart skipped a beat, but in a bad way.

"No I'm not," I denied, eating another cookie. "Kyle's my best friend, Jess. He cares about you. He told me," he said, making my smile fade away. 

"How much did you smoke?" He asked. "Not a lot," I lied. "Jess.." he said, unconvinced.

I stayed quiet for a few seconds, before hearing noises from his side of the call.

"We gotta go," I heard Caleb.

"I'll.. I'll text you in a few," Austin said. "Okay," I softly nodded, ending the call.

I couldn't help but feel guilty for what I did. It seemed right, and frankly, I had no regrets. It made me feel better. That's why I did it.

My thoughts were interrupted when Austin texted me. Looking at my screen, my sadness suddenly piled up again, just knowing how disappointed he was.

Austin
Jess

Austin
Babe you're such a mess