Magic can be good... (Jeffmads-Hamilton Modern Au, [I DONT OWN THE ART])

Chapter 32

Peggy's POV (Trigger warning?)

    Dear Diary,(?)
Day Two

  I still haven't figured out a name for this. It's just stupid doing this anyway. But apparently it'll "help me" and 'fix' me. I just want to die. Is that too much to ask? I miss my brother and sisters. Well... that's a lie. I don't miss them. I really miss Maria though. They won't let me have my phone unless I get a message and I still haven't. It figures. Why would anyone worry? They really shouldn't if they are. Angelica and Eliza were crying over me. Seriously? They're that pathetic and clueless to realize I don't make an effect on this world. Still... I can't help but feel guilt. For calling them names. Sure they were ignoring me and yelled at me a lot. They didn't help me. But no one else deserves the pain I have felt.. Does James feel this way or has felt this way? I know he felt bad about himself and stuff but I feel so bad. He must have it good now. Laughing and actually having someone to talk to. I asked for that. And they say to ask for that stuff if you really need it, but I did. I kept asking and no one would listen. Besides Maria.. I want her back I want to know what's wrong. Or where she is at least. It has come into my mind that she could be dead! And I couldn't know about it! What if she's hurt or her brother is with her because she bailed him out of jail! All the 'What ifs' in my head.. just drown me... my eyes are watering. I don't want to cry. I don't like it. Not anymore at least. I want to just crawl in bed and never come out. An endless sleep... sounds so so nice. This is like prison. I haven't made any friends. Probably because I don't talk to anyone.. nobody really talks anyways. I can't find anything sharp or and rope anywhere. It's so annoying. Wow.. I already filled up a page.. maybe I can do this more often.. it isn't that bad.. bye umm... Hope... I'm calling this diary Hope. Bye Hope. I'll write in here tomorrow.

-Margarita Peggy Schuyler~

I sigh and close the Black journal. I looked around my bare white room. Pastels seemed brighter painted against the pure white walls. I sunk back into my soft covers, not caring if I'm fully dressed.

"Peggy? We're doing a group circle to talk.. would you like to join?" Someone asked while knocking on my door. I sighed.

"No..." I whispered, grabbing a pastel blue bear from the side of the bed. It reminds me of Jack.. such a great kid.. man, now I wish I could trade his life for mine.. he'd be standing with his parents right now. And they would smile. And that would be enough...

"Peggy, I think this will help you a lot and-."

"I said no.. if anything send in a councilor for all I care." I trail off, mumbling into the bear. Laying with my knees to my chest under the fluffy yellow pastel blanket. Just holding the bear.. I felt comfort.. it hurt that I felt more comfortable around this bear than my sisters or brother at the moment. I whimpered at my own thoughts as I heard my door squeak open. I didn't bother to open my eyes, as I turned to face the wall. I heard someone pull a chair close to my bed.

"Hi sweetie, I'm doctor Teresa and I'm going to be talking to you for awhile.. is that okay?" The girl asked gently. I tensed at the voice and hugged the bear tighter.

"I want to go home.." I mumbled. The doctor sighed.

"I know sweetie.. it'll be easier to go home if you talk to me though.." she tells me gently. I turn over and look at her. She had thick glasses and a blue shirt on with red lipstick. Light brown eye makeup and slick black hair. I looked up at her and she smiled softly.

"I'm only in high school.. this shouldn't be allowed." I told her. She nodded and pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose.

"Can you tell me why you're here?" She asked. I looked down through the blue teddy bears fur.

"I tried to kill my self and I want to die.." I told her, curling my toes. She nodded and wrote something down on her clipboard. I immediately sat up and put my hand on hers, stopping her writing.

"No."

She gave me a confused look. I looked her in the eyes.

"Don't tell." I tell her, slightly aggravated. She smiled softly.

"I'm not going to tell anyone anything. What you tell me stays with me and you. Nobody else. I promise I won't tell anybody anything about any of your secrets or insecurities or anything. Unless you want me to tell someone then I will." She explained. I nodded slowly then grabbed the bear and backed into the corner of the bed, looking at my black socks. She wrote something else.

"Do you want to talk about anything..? You can let anything loose. Do you want to be here.?" She asked. I flinched and moved some hair from my face before sighing and petting the bear with my thumb.

"I don't want to be here and I don't want to talk, but I have to.." I mumbled to her. She nodded and set her book down.

"You know, you're so lucky to be alive right now.." She tells me. I roll my eyes.

"No f***ing way.." I said sarcastically. She smiled softly despite my hateful comment.

"I mean in your generation. And you have such a great power too."

"Really..?"

"Yes.. I have such a boring power.."

She went on telling me about how useless her power is or telling me about her backstory. I would throw in a comment or say something that I could relate to once in awhile. I even cracked a couple of genuine smiles.

I hope Maria is okay..