His Blue ✓

13| Amends

When Monday comes, I try my best to act natural walking in to Ms. Graves' English class.

No one knows the horrors of Friday night except for Anson and me, and maybe Bryce- who knows.

I slip into the classroom and back to my seat without making the slightest sound. I avoid Anson's gaze and focus down at my composition book.

The last time I wrote in it was when he took it from me.

For the first time ever- I have nothing to write about.

I frown and close it.

In a few moments, Ms. Graves stands and begins blabbing about Hamlet.

I perk up and listen.

"Hamlet is one of Shakespeare's well-known plays, as it deals with deep topics such as depression for instance."

"Why was Hamlet depressed?" Bryce blurts out.

Ms Graves is shocked by the sudden outburst for a moment, but she regained control of her face quickly to answer his question.

"Well, it has to do with his grief over the death of his father- and a few other spoilers that I won't mention yet."

Bryce shrugs. "Grief and depression- same thing."

"No they aren't." I hear myself say.

Whoops... I just spoke aloud in a group discussion..

I feel stares directed towards me. Bryce rolls his eyes.

"Alright, alright." Ms Graves clears her throat. "That's the fun of Shakespeare! He does an amazing job of detailing these similarities. Now, settle down. I want you all to read your daily allotment, and we'll have a discussion afterwards."

I open my book at her words, and begin scanning the page with my eyes. I spend most of my time looking at footnotes, something necessary to understand the bard's work.

When I finish, I notice most everyone else has, too.

Ms Graves stands again. "Alright. So do we see now what is going on?"

I nod with others.

"Who can give me an idea of what Hamlet is going through?" Ms Graves scans the room. For a moment, I'm afraid she'll call on me, but her eyes rest on my sandy-blonde neighbor.

"Anson." She smiles a lipstick smile, "your thoughts?"

I watch him as his face grows to a shade of slight pink. He looks at his book for a moment and mumbles an inaudible comment.

I'm embarrassed for him..

"Speak up please!"

Anson blushes and scratches his head unsurely. " well, I think that Hamlet's grief for his father is profound." He hesitates, "and compounded by a sense of having to hide that grief. He's holding it in, and it makes it worse."

Ms Graves immediately cooes her praise for his "thorough" answer, and starts saying something else.

I can't focus on her anymore.

Not after I know what's on Anson's mind.

When I look over at him, all I see is an incredibly weak boy that is trying to stay strong for the sake of everyone else.

He has no one- and I made sure of it myself when I shut him out. He needs me more than I need him.

My realization hits me like a ton of bricks.