After Shift - Chicago Fire Fanfiction

42.) Best Dad Ever

"Do you have any idea how shitty of a father I am?" Kelly said to Boden, who was driving him to Chicago Med after hearing the news of Evan.

"You're not-"

"No, no I am. Andrew died because somebody wanted revenge on me. Me. My fault. Evan just tried to kill himself because I wasn't there for him and I couldn't see how much he was hurting. I was just at a bar all night instead of Jack's football game because I didn't want to go on the night of Andrew's memorial tribute. The only kids I haven't screwed over yet are Riley and CJ, or maybe I have and just haven't noticed. Fuck, if I'm a terrible dad, I must be a terrible husband, too. I don't deserve Stella. I haven't even been able to help her through any of this because I don't know how to get myself through it!"

"Don't say that. Don't say any of that!" Boden said, not liking to hear his lieutenant and friend go down this dark road of self-depreciation.

"It's true. It's all true. I can't go on anymore. I can't keep living this life!"

"You can and you will! You just said you were a bad dad and husband, did you not?"

Kelly nodded, tears on his face.

"Do you want that to change?"

"Yea." He said softly.

"Then keep moving on. Keep moving through life. Be there for your kids and your wife and help them. That will make you a better father and husband." Boden said as he pulled up in front of the hospital." Now pull yourself together, go inside, and be there for your family."

Kelly took a deep breath and looked at his Chief. "Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for."

Kelly got out of the car and ran inside, finding Evan's room and entering, seeing Stella asleep in a chair and Evan awake in bed.

"Hey, Ev." Kelly said, sitting in the chair opposite Stella and grabbing his son's hand.

"About time you showed up." Evan smiled, squeezing his dad's hand.

"Listen to me, I don't want you to ever do anything like this again. Ever. Because, do you know the hurt you're feeling without Andrew? That's what we all feel. Now imagine that times two. That's what it would be like for us to lose you. You are strong. You are so strong and you can get through this. Me and your mom and brothers and sister and everyone at 51 and Intelligence and this hospital loves you. You cannot die on us. We already lost one child, we can't lose another. I want you to remember how much you mean to us, to me. You and I survived that plane crash. You lived for a reason, Evan. Don't ever think you shouldn't be alive." Kelly told him, crying as he lectured his son.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But please, just know, I regretted it the second after I did it and I'm glad I lived. I'm not ever going to do it again. I'm sorry, Dad. Forgive me, please." Evan cried, Kelly pulling him into a hug as the two cried together.

"I forgive you, I forgive you. You have to forgive me, too. I've been an awful father these days and I'm sorry."

"No you haven't. You're the best dad ever and I shouldn't have put you through this."