ENVY

19.

Monae

I woke up and felt Aaron's hands around me tightly and I just sighed while I tried to get out of his grip. I was happy to be around him but I'm still unsure. Is that the kind of shit he's gonna be pulling everytime he's angry?

I know Aaron's anger can get the best of him. I forgive him for that but the fact he was actually doing all that shit with that girl bugged me. I would never do that to him and it hurt my feelings. He knows how I feel about him so he should've known I'd be hurt.

I know the feelings I had for Aaron are more than we both expected but we've been there for each other and I think I actually do love him. If we're gonna move forward I wanna clear everything between us today. I wanna be with him. 

If he's serious about me then this should go well. I tried to get out his grip again but he only ended up snuggling up to me some more. I sighed and turned to face him. I smiled slightly as I watched his face he was so handsome. He had a screw face while he held me and licked his lips in his sleep. I knew he was a deep sleeper and I wouldn't be able to get him off of me yet so I Just closed my eyes and relaxed in his arms. I thought about 100 different things because I couldn't go back to sleep but I liked being in his arms. We stayed like that for another 30 minutes before I needed to use the toilet.

Looking over at him he was still fast asleep and holding on to me. I looked at the clock seeing it was like 7:30am.
'Aaron' I said as I tapped his hands to get off of me. He groaned in his sleep letting me know he could get me 'I need to go to the toilet.' He nodded and let go of me and I left the bed. I was slyly still till tired but I just didn't wanna be laying with him. I needed to think alone.

I used the toilet and freshened up then brushed my teeth. I watched myself in the mirror seeing tears stained to my face and I sighed and washed my face. I can't even believe I cried like that in front of him I'm so embarrassed. At least I know we're both on the same page. After the conversation we had yesterday I had too many mixed feelings.

Earlier this week I told myself I was done with him for good. He texted me a few times and called me but I weren't tryna pick up or reply. I convinced myself I'd be done with him. Then he shows up telling me all these things and now all the feelings I was trying to avoid have come rushing back. I felt myself getting emotional again and I wanted to cry but I didn't. 

I left my room and sat on the sofa I had and put on the tv. I couldn't go back to bed anyways. I didn't think Aaron we would be up any time soon cause he always slept in. I'd usually lay with him but not today. It was 8am by now and I knew he was still fast asleep.

I stayed up and watched re-runs of My Wife & Kids while thinking about everything that happened. By now I gotten hungry and decided to eat some cereal. I was so deep into my thoughts while I ate I didn't hear Aaron wake up and enter my kitchen until I felt his hands wrap around me as he hugged me from behind.