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1:38pm On the plane en route Croatia. (Listen to the song as you read the chapter)
We were currently on the plane and Amina and Monae were asleep which allowed me to get into my thoughts. It had been just over a month since me and Tre...
I'm trying not to think about it so I can enjoy this holiday but how could I not? Tre was the first guy I had ever been with in any way. He was my first everything and what he did to me actually broke me and to say I'm not hurting would be the biggest lie ever. I tried to turn my anger to hate but I couldn't. Thinking of everything that happened after that night got me close to tears.
How can you take my virginity, knowing it was something dear to me and that I treasured and then just leave me high and dry. I felt used and dirty and every single thing them girls at uni said about him was right. He took advantage of me. I never did anything wrong to Tre. I believed everything he said over everyone else and yet he still hurt me.
I hate him with everything in my soul but I still like him and I miss him. I couldn't tell Monae and Amina cause I know they'd call me dumb.
He didn't even give me a good enough excuse to why he broke up with me. He just broke up with me and left my apartment and never spoke to me again. That was it. I regretted giving my virginity to him. I'm so fucking embarrassed thinking he was the one when he really only wanted sex. Sex, that he could've got from anyone. Girls literally Throw sex at him but he fed me all these lies about being together and how much he liked me to take my virginity and leave me? Fuck him.
I hate him so much but I can't let him go. I messaged him that day after we had sex apologising for whatever I had done to make him wanna break up with me and he didn't even reply. I don't even think he understands how much he hurt me. I knew I should've never got involved with him. I fucking knew it but I didn't listen to my thoughts. I thought it was my anxiety trying to get the best of me but I ignored it.
I can't even lie and say I didn't miss him. We were basically together for 8 months, I went from talking and seeing him everyday to literally nothing. No communication, no nothing. I tried preeing his insta to get clues but that didn't help either. He literally went on with his life as normal. I shook my head thinking about everything.
I was grateful to have Monae and Amina. As soon as I told them they went crazy. They cussed him from head to toe non stop and they don't like him no more. Amina even came to me privately to speak about it and I appreciated her for that. She could've had that 'I told you so' attitude but she didn't. She was genuinely my sister and I was glad I got to know her properly. It didn't take everyone at uni long to find out we had broken up cause Tre went back to who he was and deleted most of the pics he had with me on insta. Which again was fucking embarrassing but I took it on the chin.
