By Chance

Chapter Nineteen

Unique was true to his words. Akala ko nagbibiro siya, pero pagkababa ko ng kotse ay hindi na siya umalis. He went out of his car, causing a little commotion when some people saw him on his usual get up. 'Yung mga nakakita pa sa kaniyang teacher ay lumapit, asking if he'll come back, because apparently, he's one of the best students ng kinuha niyang degree program. Kung ako nga ang dean ng school, hindi ko na siya papakawalan.

Pagkapasok ko ng room, lumapit kaagad sa akin sila Rinoa. They were asking me about Unique's presence in the school, lalo na't pumunta raw ito sa school cafe para tumambay.

I sighed.

"Na-confine ako nang slight kahapon," I said. "Sabi ko huwag na akong bantayan pero... 'yan, mapilit."

Nagulat na lang ako nang bigla akong kinurot ni Rinoa, "Kaloka girl, bakit ang swerte mo? Blaster then Unique? Pahingi naman!"

I suddenly felt a pang in my chest when I heard Blaster's name. Siguro kailangan ko nang masanay, kahit masakit.

Hanggang do'n lang talaga, siguro.

I smiled a little and sighed, "Hindi ako swerte. I think it's more of unluckiness, pinapamukha na fangirls are just fangirls only." I sighed. "Sometimes when you think okay na, tsaka papasok 'yung problema. I don't even know kung bakit may sumagip pa sa akin no'ng gusto kong magpakamatay."

My friends held my hand and smiled at me, "You deserve to live, Cass," they said. "But you don't deserve the pain. Please stay away from the pain. Stay away from Blaster."

I didn't answer.

Wala naman akong choice but to stay away. Knowing he's happy with his new girl.

I smiled and bit my lip.

"E-excuse me," I said and walked out from the canteen. Mabilis akong naglakad papunta sa cr, trying to suppress the tears trying to come out from my eyes. Pagkarating ko ay agad akong pumasok sa isang cubicle, napaupo sa sahig at hinayaang tumulo ang luha ko.

Unique was right. Ngayon lang nagsi-sink in ang lahat. Na masakit pala talaga. Na pakiramdam ko ako 'yung hindi deserving kasi ako 'yung hindi pinakinggan.

Na hindi niya ako deserve kasi ginago ko lang siya.

"Hello? Cass?" Nagulat ako nang may kumatok sa cubicle ko. Hindi babae.

What the hell, Unique?

"Gagi ka ba? Bakit ka nandito?" I stood up and wiped my tears away, tinignan ko pa ang mukha ko sa screen ng cellphone ko para isiguro lang na medyo maayos na ako.

Pagkalabas ko ng cubicle ay nagulat na lamang ako nang bigla akong yakapin ni Unique, "Cry."

"Ha?"

Ibinaba niya ang tingin niya sa akin at ngumiti nang bahagya, "I saw them. Ilabas mo lahat. It would really hurt inside if you won't."

I smiled, "But I'm okay, Unique... I think."

Natawa siya at bumitiw sa pagkakayakap sa akin, "Then, what are those?" he asked, pointing on my cheeks. Saka ko lamang napagtanto na umiiyak na naman ako.

I chuckled, "Manhid na."

Natawa siya nang kaunti, "Come."

I sighed. But I know I needed that.

And so I hugged him, right before someone opened the door.

"I knew it, Cass," he said. "Magsama kayo."

Lilingon pa sana ako sa pintuan, but Unique held my head and smiled, "Kung mahal ka niya, alam niyang nasasaktan ka. Pero mas inuuna pa rin niya ang sarili niya kaysa sa'yo, 'di ba? Hindi dapat gano'n Cass. If you love someone, you need to learn—how to forgive, how to understand, how to trust. Maybe he doesn't know how love works."

He's right. Again.

Maybe he doesn't.

Maybe I don't.

Maybe we're just trying too hard.

**

Unique offered na mag-cut na lang ako ng class dahil mainit na naman daw ako. I do feel that I'm not okay, and almost every little thing around me are spinning, but I needed to take our Calculus test dahil ayaw ko namang naghahabol. I'll just prolong my agony kung hindi ko ite-take ngayon.

What's new though? School isn't about learning anymore. It isn't about 'we care for your health, kids', parang pakiramdam ko kasi wala na silang pake. Oo you study, pero deep inside you're struggling and craving for help. Nakakapagod.

The tests started. It made my condition worst. Lahat ng formulae na ni-review ko halos hindi ko na matandaan. I was struggling, and I think some of my classmates have noticed it. My hands were trembling and my body was shivering due to the coldness of the room.

"Okay ka lang? I think you should go home..." Rinoa said. Nginitian ko lang siya at nag-thumbs up nang bahagya. She frowned at me, pero my friends know me. Ayaw ko ng pinipilit.

Before I was able to finish the test, I felt like my stomach was heating up, causing me to have the urge to puke, agad akong nagpaalam sa professor namin para mag-cr pero he didn't allow me to go outside. I bit my lip to suppress myself from puking, which kind of helped dahil bumaba naman kahit pa paano.

"Andrea... Can you turn off the aircon?" pakisuyo ko dahil malapit lang kami sa aircon. Worry was painted all over her face, pero wala rin naman kaming magagawa. Agad siyang tumayo at pinatay 'yung aircon na malapit sa'min.

"Tawagin na namin si Unique, gusto mo?" I shook my head, which made it ten times worse. Napahawak na lang ako sa ulo ko habang tina-try pa ring mag-solve kahit hirap na hirap na ang utak ko. Pakiramdam ko, the more na i-try ko, the more na lumalala ang nararamdaman ko.

Konti na lang babagsak na ako. Pati sa Calculus.

I put down my pen and rested my head for a while bago ako nag-continue na mag-solve. Although it didn't help at all, mas okay naman na siguro na medyo naipikit ko ang mga mata ko.

When I couldn't control myself anymore, hindi na ako nag-paalam sa prof namin, kahit galit na galit siya pagkalabas ko. Dali-dali akong lumabas at tumakbo papuntang cr. But as I was running towards the comfort room, my vision started to get blurry and my legs felt all wobbly.

Before I was able to reach the room. I collapsed.

But someone was there to catch me.

"Cass... just hold on, I'm here. Always."