Pyromania

22nd Chapter: Burden

22nd Chapter

Saab Gabriel

She ran away. Again. And for sure pinuntahan nanaman niya ang lalaking iyon. It worries me to the point that I want to go there myself instead of Izzalar. But that won't do good. My sister is my weakness, baka kapag nakita ko siya ay di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko at itakas ko siya.

Tumunog ang cellphone ko. It's Izzy. Sinagot ko agad.

"I drugged her. Nasa Valuarte na siya, galit na galit si Ballisti panigurado bugbog sarado nanaman si Zed." balita sakin ni Izzy,

Napapikit ako. Tinitiis ang sakit sa puso ko sa narinig.

"Matigas talaga ang ulo ng kapatid mo Saab. Parang hindi na siya nasasaktan sa mga bugbog sa kanya at patuloy siya sa pagtakas para lang makita ang lalaking yun."

Napakuyom ang kamao ko. May araw ka rin sakin Ballisti. May araw ka rin.

"Pupuntahan ko siya. Ako na ang bahala."

"Ano naman ang gagawin mo? Walang pinapakinggan si Zed maliban kay Ama. Puro pangkukunsinti lang ang ginagawa mo Saab, baka nakakalimutan mo ikaw pa ang nangunsinti sa kanya nung unang beses siyang tumakas!" Halos sigaw ni Izzy,

I pulled my hair in frustration. Damn it! I remember that! Alam kong mali ako nun. But that's the only way to make Zed realize that that man is not for her. She has different needs now at hindi iyon maibibigay ng isang taong hindi siya matatanggap. It was a bad idea but I have no choice.

"I thought it was going to help once she experience it first hand. That she will only hurt him if she stays. Hindi ko alam na uulit siya at pupuntahan parin ang lalaking iyon."

Rinig ko ang buntong hininga ni Izzy mula sa kabilang linya. "Nag-aalala ako Saab. Kapag nagpatuloy sa ganito si Zed baka matuluyan siya sa Valuarte. She takes beating almost every night. Milagro nga at buhay pa siya matapos ang isang taon."

Mas lalo akong namroblema. It's too much for her. I knew it was! Pero paano ang gagawin ko? Should I just kill her and end her sufferings at tumanga hanggang sa lumaki si Ruins para saluhin ang posisyon ni Zed? It was tempting but I know deep down it was not really an option.

Nagsalita pa si Izzy pero hindi na ko nakikinig. Zed is all I think about. Iniisip kung paano siya mabubuhay ng ganito. Kung matapos man ang hatol sa kanya sa Valuarte, ano ang kasunod nun? Hindi ko lubos maisip kung paano niya magagampanan ang trabaho iaatas sa kanya ni Ama. Being like us is one thing paano pa kung maging si Zed?

This is why we never wished to have a woman in the family. This is why my birth Mother tried to kill Zed when she was just a baby. Dahil alam niya ang gampanin nito. It was an act of mercy to kill Zed and my Mother knows that pero sa huli ay hindi iyon natuloy hanggang sa bawian ng buhay ang aming Ina.

Matapos ang nangyareng iyon. Nanatili na si Zed sa Valuarte. At kung tatakas man ay hindi na ito pumupunta kay Everest. She would sneak out to visit our Father...and to take her supplies of morphine. Hindi ako sang-ayon roon pero sa huli, ano ba naman ang magagawa ko? If being high makes her feel better, sino ba ako para ipagkait iyon sa kanya. At isa pa, it is her medication to control her hormones.

Years passed and I'm pretty sure all of us must have had at least 17 heart attacks tuwing mapupuruhan si Zed sa Valuarte. We died a little everyday dahil hindi namin siya pwedeng puntahan tuwing nangyayare ang ganung bagay. Kahit na nung isang beses ay muntik nang pugutin ng isang baliw doon ang ulo ni Zed ay hindi kami nagpunta. We are forbidden to show her sympathy. Kindness. Mercy. Or even support...

All because she is being punished. Sevenfold. For a sin she committed for her beloved sister. The world is fucking unfair and it's always extra bitch on us. It is not enough that we're damned already, kailangan may dagdag palagi.

Sometimes, the pain is too much, too much for Zed that in the first 3 months of her new life she tried to end it. Which will result to another sin being committed. Kasalanan ang pagpapakamatay, the deadliest of them all. She tried it several times, hindi siya nanagumpay dahil kay Ama. He would visit her and punish her on his own way and soon, Zed finally gave up.

But I didn't like it. The day she lost her spirit is the day I know she lost everything. Na para bang nabubuhay na lang siya para sa amin at hindi para sa sarili niya. Oo nga at nanatili siya pero alam naming lahat na hindi iyon dahil gusto niya.

That's the most painful thing. To stay not because you want to but because you are being obligated to. Begged to. Need to. Hindi dahil gusto mo. Hindi para sa sarili mo. She knows that once she's dead, someone else in our family will take her place. With that kind of burden, how will she ever be at peace? Knowing her sufferings will be Ruins' too one day.