I sob into the pillow, realizing I should have brought some weed with me from Macy's. Right now, that sounds like the only thing that could help me through this pain.
No one even attempts to talk to me for the rest of the night, and I assume Dan sleeps on the couch. However, I don't pity him, considering I can't sleep at all.
As the next morning comes along, and I realize I'm not going to get any sleep, I decide to get some coffee. However, as I step into the kitchen at only eight in the morning, I see not one, or two, but three of the last people I want to see right now. I'm about to turn around and go back to bed, when Phil notices me.
"Oh, g'morning, (y/n)," he greets me, slightly awkwardly, causing Dan and Dodie to turn around and face me.
"Morning," I grumble, walking to the coffee maker. However, as I fill up a mug, I realize I have no reason to be mad at Phil. Maybe he didn't stand up for me, but he didn't say anything negative, either. I sigh heavily, before grabbing my cup of coffee and starting to walk out of the kitchen, when Dodie stops me.
"Wait, (y/n)," she calls out, and I stop where I'm standing, turning to face her and raising my eyebrows. "I'm...I'm sorry, you're right. Those were your friends, who I've never even met, and I had no right to judge them like that. I realize I made a really stupid mistake, and I'm sorry," she concludes, her eyebrows tilted in a sorrowful expression.
I sigh, thinking about her words for a second. "Okay," I reply, and she gives me a small smile. "I, just..." I sigh, clapping my hands to the side. "I just need time to get over this."
She nods her head in understanding, and I turn on my heel, walking out of the kitchen. However, as I enter the hall, Phil yells something unintelligible from the kitchen, as and as I turn around, Dan comes out behind me.
I cross my arms across my chest, narrowing my eyes. "What?" I ask in a cold tone.
He sighs heavily, as if contemplating if he should say anything at all. "I just wanted to say, I'm also sorry. Everything I said was wrong, and you were completely right. You have every right to be mad at me, and I totally get if you don't forgive me. I hate being in a fight with you, because I love you. However, I'm willing to give you all the time you need, because what I said was a dick move."
"You're right, it was," I reply immediately, and an expression as if he had been slapped crosses his face. My heart instantly drops, and even though I'm still irritated with him, I can't help but feel bad. "But...it's not like I could expect you to fully understand." I give him a small smile, which he weakly returns.
"I still want to be alone for a little bit, though," I continue, and he nods. "I mean, I need to film a video, and I'm still a bit stressed out."
"Okay," he agrees. "But I think we should still talk about this later. I know I don't understand now, but I want to be able to."
I nod my head, and he smiles down at me. Dan grabs my cheeks, kissing me on the forehead, before walking back to the kitchen. After I watch him disappear, I turn around, walking into the bedroom.
I spend a little under an hour filming a video, and another two hours editing it. The video had been a Q and A, except I was covering some of the more serious questions I had gotten. Questions about Dan and I's relationship, my mental health at the moment, and how far I was willing to take my career with YouTube. I have always been brutally honest with my viewers, but there were some subjects I had to only graze over, and some I had to skip altogether. Due to me still not being completely sure what I wanted to include and what I wanted to cut out, editing the video took a lot longer than a lot of people would have expected. Part of me would rather be safe than sorry, but part of me also realizes that's not the usual way I roll with my videos. I like to cover the things other people are too scared to talk about, as I feel like someone needs to bring up these subjects. However, with this video, I feel I need to respect my own privacy more than the curiosity of my viewers.

YOU ARE READING
Playing With Fire || d.h
RomanceOnce you've turned 19, you're more than happy to get a chance to restart. You move to London to leave your old life behind, and work harder on your YouTube career. However, things go in a different direction than you were anticipating when someone y...