Playing With Fire || d.h

77. Confide in Me

Dan's POV - two weeks later

"The last few weeks have been a little difficult for me, as you can probably imagine. I've been trying my best to get through them, but it's, I guess, it's taking longer than I had expected." I sigh, wiping my eyes wearily. "So, um, I'm going to be taking a break for a little bit. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'm hoping, with the support of you guys, I'll be back sometime soon. So, um, yeah, I guess I'll see you guys later."

I turn off the camera, and bury my face in my hands. The video I just made sounds literally nothing like me. No jokes, no self deprecating humor, not even an attempt to lighten the mood. I just laid everything out in the open, and don't plan on editing the footage. I made sure to mention to not send any hate to (y/n), saying this has nothing to do with her. However, from the way her social media had become a ghost town, I doubt she'd even see it.

Before today, I had made countless attempts to film videos. I couldn't even film gaming videos with Phil, which is something that's always been able to lift my mood. My brain had become a monotonous desert, and I wasn't able to think about anything but the darkness set inside my head. I've even started to wonder if my antidepressants had been replaced by sugar pills, as my life has completely gone into greyscale.

I don't even know if I want to try anymore.

Your POV

"Have you seen Dan's channel?" As I lie on Macy's couch, wallowing as usual, Macy walks in with her phone. My heart drops at the sound of his name, and I immediately sit up.

"No, I haven't been on social media in forever," I reply, stretching. "Why?"

"You need to see this." She hands her phone to me, and after a second's hesitance, I press play.

Only after the first thirty seconds, pressure builds behind my eyes, and after two minutes, I'm completely crying. If Macy wasn't sitting right here next to me, I would have shut off the video, but I know she won't let me. The video is incredibly poor quality, as if he filmed it on his phone, and I can tell this is his first attempt at it. He seems distracted, and broken.

Just seeing his face and hearing his voice haunts me, and the look in his eyes makes me want to scream. I can tell how much he's hurting, and knowing I'm the reason behind it gives me the urge to jump in front of a train.

"I just want you guys to know, this has nothing to do with (y/n). I mean, it does, but I don't want any of you to shoot any hate her way, as none of this is her fault, and she doesn't deserve that." He takes a deep breath, and as if he's finally cracked, his eyes glaze over. "I...I'm sorry, (y/n). I'm really sorry."

He says a few more words, and the video ends. I shut the phone off, close my eyes, and cover my mouth. Macy wraps her arm around me, and I fall into her grasp.

"If you still believe he doesn't care, you need a bloody reality check," she says, and as I look up at her, there's no sympathy in her expression. It's only stone. "You need to do something about this. Before one of you get to the point where you can't go back."

"I...I can't," I sigh. "I mean, I know you think I should, but I just can't. He doesn't want me anymore. He's just worried that if something were to happen to me, he doesn't want to feel like he's responsible."

Macy rolls her eyes, and to my surprise, she starts yelling out of frustration. "Okay, (y/n), I'm just going to be fucking honest here. You need to get out of your bubble. You're thinking only about yourself, wallowing in your own sadness. And trust me, I know right now things are hard. But you're strong, and we all know that this isn't you. I've said this a thousand times, and I'll say it again; I'm not going to let you give up. You either need to get off your ass, and talk to Dan, or at least get some fucking help. Because this isn't the real you."