Playing With Fire || d.h

25. Love is for Losers

Your POV

The sound of vomit splashing into the toilet leaks through the wall separating the bathroom from PJ's room, and I can't help the sickening somersault my stomach gives in response. It's 3:24 AM, and Dan's come back from yet another night of bar-hopping and getting slammed. This time he hasn't brought another girl along, but the first time wasn't the last. The sounds of him sloppily fucking someone else through a wall have been almost nightmarish, but what I'm hearing now makes me feel almost just as pitiful.

He gives a few deep coughs, flushes the toilet, and stumbles to his bedroom. It's been a week, and I'm the only one who's seemed to notice that Dan is incredibly close to going off the rails. It's as if he's doing whatever he can to avoid me, even just blatantly leaving the room as soon as I enter. I feel immensely helpless.

I wake up the next morning to sunlight seeping into PJ's room. I then realize he's basically been living here for about a month. Does he ever plan on going home? I mean, it's not that I want him to, but still.

I silently crawl out of bed and head to the lounge. I then think about the fact that I've also been basically living here, and my real apartment is only across the hall. PJ lives two hours away, so it's a lot easier for him to just stay here whilst close to everyone. Then a slightly horrifying thought crosses my mind.

What if PJ wants to, at some point, move in with me?

There's no way I could handle that. Not only do I need my own space, I'm still slightly uncomfortable around him. Every night, when he lies next to me, I'm just as anxious as the night before. I felt fine around him, until that first night we slept together after Felix's party, when he was drunk. However, even if that was uncomfortable for me, it's not like he's tried to force me to sleep with him since then. But then again, it's not like I've tried turning down his advancements. 

I shiver, but not because I'm cold. Attempting to change my train of thought, I walk into the kitchen, where Phil sits, scrolling through his phone with his hand stuffed into a box of cereal.

"Oi!" He calls out, caught off guard as I walk in. "Oh. Sorry, you scared me."

"You're fine," I reply, heading to the cupboards and pulling out a glass, then walking to the sink to fill it with water.

"Sleep good?" He asks politely, looking up at me.

"Yeah, how about you?" I lie through my teeth. It's a simple question, with so many complicated answers.

"Like a baby," he answers. "You wanna do something today? I know PJ's gonna be busy, but you can hang out with Dan and I."

"Sure," I reply. "What's PJ up to, though?"

"I don't really know," Phil says. "Probably just errands, that sort of thing.

"Ah," I reply, taking a sip of my water. I can feel the cool water running into my hollow stomach. If I'm gonna be out with Dan and Phil all day, I need to find something to eat, so I have some sort of energy. I'll have to wait until they offer food, though, so they both see me eat. Why would I eat if no one would know about it?

PJ walks into the kitchen, already dressed and his hair done nice.

"Where you off to?" I ask, turning to him and leaning against the fridge.