Playing With Fire || d.h

23. Depression and Obsession

A/N: The song that this chapter was titled after actually has made a big impact in my life, which happened last November. Idk why I'm telling you, just a fun fact 🤷‍♀️

Your POV

Waking up in the morning, I have a slight heart attack, not knowing where I was. However, after about thirty seconds, memories of last night come flooding back into my mind.

A few hours after PJ and I left the diner, we started bar hopping, until the point where one bar's manager forced us to take a cab home. We stumbled into his room in Dan and Phil's apartment at around three in the morning, and the second his door closes behind us, we started ripping each other's clothes off. It's definitely not the first time I've had sloppy drunk sex, which makes me question what's the real reason I feel so dirty.

There's only one person who's ever made me feel this gross about myself, but there's no way I could ever compare PJ to that asshole. Then what is it?

I silently slide out of bed, throwing on a pair of leggings I must've left on his floor sometime before, and one of his sweaters, which hangs loosely a couple inches below my butt. I slyly exit his room, closing the door behind him, planning on heading to the bathroom. And I say planning on it because before I get there, I start hearing muffled shouts coming from the other side of Dan's door. I freeze in my tracks, unable to keep myself from eavesdropping. His conversation must be on the phone, as his voice is the only one I hear, but it's not exactly hard to piece together what he's talking about.

"What do you mean, you can't handle it anymore? These are just stupid people saying stupid things! It's not gonna last forever!"

"Sam, it's not gonna last forever. Our relationship is strong enough to get through this. Please." The pleading in his voice makes my heart drop. I want to walk away, but I'm petrified of him hearing my footsteps right outside his door. That, and I'm also such a bitch that I really wanna know what's happening.

"I can't believe you're breaking up with me over this. No, I know what it means when someone says we need a break!"

"Can we at least meet up and talk about this, like adults? I really like you, and I don't want to throw this away because of people we don't even know!"

"Are you really sure?"

"Okay... um, I guess this is... goodbye?"

"I just want you to know I really care about you, and if you ever need to talk, even just as friends, you can always call me."

"Okay, bye."

Dread fills my chest, weighing it down like a pile of bricks. I feel my eyes and the corners of my mouth drop to the floor, as if pity is weighing those down, too.

I hear footsteps from his room, and I bolt as soundlessly as I can into the kitchen, thinking that he's probably heading for the bathroom, so he won't see me in here. However, while aimlessly standing in the middle of the tile floor, his footsteps start following me to hear as well. Panicked, I quickly open the fridge and pretend to be looking for something to eat.

"Oh, uh, good morning," Dan greets me dejectedly as he enters the kitchen.

"Hey!" I reply cheerily, and mentally kick myself. Is acting joyful really gonna make him feel any better?

"Um... when did you get here?" He asks, walking until he's about three feet away from me. "I mean, I don't mean that in a bad way, I, just, uh, haven't seen you in awhile," he adds quickly.

"Oh, I, uh, went out with PJ last night," I explain awkwardly. I notice he's unable to keep eye contact, as every time his eyes meet mine, I notice they're filled dismay, and they dart back around the kitchen.