Playing With Fire || d.h

73. Original Sin

Your POV

I'm falling apart. And there's nothing I can do about it.

"No one will ever love you. I hate you. Just leave, I never wanna see your fucking face again."

"You can't mean that!" I shout, tears running down my cheeks.

Dan chuckles like a maniac. "Hun, you have no idea, do you? It was all a joke. You don't mean anything to me, or anyone else, for that matter."

"But...you said you loved me."

He shrugs his shoulders, smirking. "Yeah, I lied."

I wake up shaking from the nightmare, blindly trying to crawl to Dan, only to realize he's no longer in bed. I sit up straight, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to gain control of my breathing.

It was just a dream. It's not true. They all love you. Everything is going to be okay.

I repeat these things in my mind over and over again, and I start calming down. I sigh, crawling out of bed, and to the kitchen. I hear three different voices, and I'm starting to realize I've been waking up a lot later than usual.

"You want some coffee?" Phil asks as I enter, and I nod my head, sitting next to Dan. I lie my head on the cool countertop, almost ready to just fall back asleep.

"You okay?" Dan asks, and I shrug my shoulders. I don't even know anymore.

Phil places a mug of coffee in front of me, and I take a sip, only to recoil. There's creamer and sugar. Useless calories. Luckily, no one notices my flinch, but I barely sip the coffee, dazed in my own world.

I spend most of the day moping around the apartment in a monotonous haze. I'm sure Dan has noticed, but hasn't said anything, which I'm extremely grateful for. I'm not in the mood for any sort of confrontation. I sit on the couch by myself, scrolling through Twitter, when I get a text from Macy.

Hey I'm having a few people over, wanna hang out

I don't know how good of an idea that would be, considering the mindset I'm in right now, and that I'll be around a ton of drugs and peer pressure. I don't exactly have a ton of self control at the moment.

Fuck it.

Ya I'll be over around seven :)

Cool, see you then

I walk around the apartment, trying to find Dan. "I'm going to Macy's, I'll be back sometime later tonight," I tell Dan, leaning against the bedroom doorframe as he works on something on his laptop.

He looks up at me, his eyes narrowed, and I instantly know what he's going to say before the words come out of his mouth. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asks. "I mean, don't you think going there might be...triggering?"

I roll my eyes, instantly putting my defenses up. "I'm going to be fine, Dan. I've told everyone that I don't want to smoke, so they all know. Trust me."

"I'm trying to," he mutters under his breath, obviously not expecting me to hear him. I sigh heavily, before walking up to him, bending down, and kissing him on the forehead.

"I'm fine, Dan," I try to reassure him. "I'll be back sometime later tonight, okay?"

"Okay," he mumbles. I kiss him once more, before quickly getting dressed and doing my makeup. I pack the clothes I had stollen from Macy in my bag, before walking out of the apartment, and out of the building.

An hour car ride later, I'm at Macy's, which is already packed. I knew she was having a few people over, but I wasn't aware it was going to be a party this big. As I walk into the house, I'm immediately swarmed by people all over the place.