Playing With Fire || d.h

6. Anxiety and Pizza

Your POV

"What was that?" I hear a couple booming thuds from the hallway.

"I dunno..." replies PJ, looking just as taken aback as I feel. He walks out into the hallway, then disappears in the direction of the front door. I walk to him, and see him standing in the foyer, hands on his hips, looking dumbfounded at multiple grocery bags sitting on the floor.

"He just left them here!" He marveled, standing at the bags as if at any moment they might disappear.

"Well, I guess we'll have to be the ones who put them away," I reply, walking up and grabbing a few. PJ shrugs his shoulders, then joins me.

~~~

I hesitate outside Dan's bedroom door, then knock faintly. There's no answer, but his door is sat partly open, and I cautiously push it forward and peer in. He's lying on his bed, leaning against his headboard with his laptop in his lap and his headphones in his ears. I stand in the doorway for a few seconds, when he finally glances up and notices me.

"What?" He asks, pulling out his earbuds. I walk silently to his bed, and sit crisscross on the edge.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" I ask, looking into his eyes. There's no crinkle in the corners, no humor lying in his expression.

"Nothing," he grumbles, looking back at his laptop. I stare at him for a few seconds, trying to decide what to say. He looks back up at me, as if only just realizing I hadn't left. "What?"

"I'm not going to leave until you tell me what's wrong," I reply.

He scoffs. "Okay, So you're not gonna leave me alone until I talk about my feelings, but you don't think maybe you could tell me what's wrong when I ask?"

I think about it for a second, then respond, "Fine, I'll tell you what's wrong. I've only known you and Phil for, like, three days, and you're already the best friends I've ever had. And part of me is petrified, because I don't wanna get too attached, then screw everything up and lose you. I had to leave the only home I've ever known due to losing everything and ending up so hurt I couldn't leave my house without being reminded of all the stupid shit I've done, and I can't go through that again." I pause to catch my breath, then continue, "And now, you guys are planning a party with tons of people I've never met before, who also happen to be huge YouTubers. I swear, I'm extremely, extremely, thankful for you doing this, but every time I think about tomorrow night, my heart starts racing and my vision starts to blur and feel like I'm going to pass out. Not to mention ever since yesterday after Phil got home and PJ got here, you've been acting unnecessarily hostile toward me." I puff.

Dan raises his eyebrows, and has a completely unreadable expression on his face. "If you're stressed out about the party, you could've told us," he replies quietly. "We could've invited less people, or even just have you meet people separately."

"No, really, I'm gonna be fine," I insist. Well, really, I don't know if I'm going to be fine, but he's already invited people, so acting like there's an issue isn't really going to do any good.

"And Phil and I aren't going to just abandon you," he adds. "You're way too cool for that," he jokes, a weary smile crossing his face. "And I'm sorry about acting hostile. Sometimes I just get into weird funks and I can't help but to act like a total asshole."

I chuckle. "You're not an asshole. Trust me, I've met people ten times worse than that, and that's how they were all the time."

"Oh damn, they must've sucked," he replies, starting to lighten up.

"Yeah, they did," I answer dismissively.

We both don't say anything for a few seconds, the silence seeming to crush me as if there was an invisible, giant hand squeezing me alive. I search my head frantically for something to say.