Playing With Fire || d.h

55. Star-Crossed Lovers

(Kinda?)Smut warning at end.

Your POV

"Hm..." I moan as I suddenly gain consciousness, but not quite ready to open my eyes yet. A warm hand delicately brushes the hair off my face, then lightly traces its fingers along my jawline. I open my eyes, and see Dan lying right across from me, his eyes dazed. I smile at him lightly.

Wait, how did I get here? I try to think back to last night, but don't remember anything. I sit up quick, panic setting in.

"What?" Dan croaks, his voice not having woken up with him. "What's wrong?"

"How did I get here?" I quickly ask, turning to him. "What happened last night?"

Dan's brow furrows together with confusion. "Um... Phil and I got home, then we called you over, and the four of us had dinner, then Dodie made us all drinks, and we hung out for a little bit, then went to bed," he lists.

I think for a second, and then suddenly, all the memories of last night come back. "Oh, right..." I trail off, my heart still beating rapidly. I stare at the white wall, trying to calm myself down. Dan wraps his arm around me, and I drop my head onto his shoulder. For some reason, I suddenly feel like crying.

"Are you okay?" Dan whispers to me. I only nod my head.

"I'm sorry, I just...I just, forgot, I guess," I reply sheepishly, embarrassment inching itself inside me. Dan only continues rubbing my back for a minute, letting the panic subside. Finally, I let out a large sigh, and stand up.

"Well, that was an interesting start to the day," I laugh nervously.

Dan stands up, putting his hands around my shoulders. "Sometimes you really just need to slow down," he says to me. I just give him a small smile, then turn around and walk to the bathroom.

I pee, brush my teeth and hair, and pull it up into a bun. Staring at myself in the mirror, I give a heavy sigh. What is wrong with me? My anxiety seems to be worsening every day. I haven't taken my anxiety medication in so long. When was the last time I actually took it?

My pulse doubles as his icy hands crawl under my shirt and grasp my waist, helping him pull me off the counter and take complete control of me as I finally succumb to him. He bites my bottom lip, demanding entrance. His tongue explores my mouth, loving every inch. Still kissing me, he grabs the hem of my shirt, and starts pulling up.

And that's when I fall apart.

I instantly pull away, gasping for air. Everything starts to spin, and now PJ is the only thing supporting my weight.

No. I try to kick the thought out of my mind, but my heart is already starting to pound, and I look down at my red knuckles gripping the counter. I panicked because making out with PJ reminded me of being assaulted. I felt so guilty afterwards. Funny now how that turned out.

I do a few exercises that, thanks to years of therapy, have burned themselves into my memory. In four seconds. Hold seven seconds. Out eight seconds. I do this multiple times, until my tunnel vision starts to go away and I can balance without support. I splash my flushed face with cool water, dry it with a warm towel, and walk out the the kitchen, where everyone is already sitting.

"Go get dressed, or whatever it is you have to do," Dan immediately demands as he notices me. "We're going out."

I cross my arms over my chest, raising one of my eyebrows. "Who says I don't already have plans?" I reply.

"When do you ever have plans?" Dodie cuts in sassily. I give her a look, but don't say anything. It's not like she's wrong, anyway.

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