Playing With Fire || d.h

75. Destroying Myself to Fix You

Hey I know right now the story is a little sad(just like me), but I just want to humble brag that I'm 81 days sober. The night between the third and Fourth of July was the last time I drank and smoked weed, and since then, I've been doing everything in my power to, you know, not do that. Anyway, just wanted to put that out there because I'm proud of myself. Enjoy the chapter 💜

My life is officially one huge oxymoron. Everything contradicts each other, which is not only confusing and disheartening, but also really fucking annoying.

Dan had tried to talk me into staying at their apartment until I find myself a place to stay, but I have too much pride, and had shamelessly packed up anything I might need in the immediate future right then and there. And now here I am, only two hours later, back on the street.

Well, not necessarily. Right now I'm currently in a taxi, on the way back to Macy's place. I had texted her what happened almost immediately, and she said she was more than happy to take me in for the moment. I know I could stay with my mom, but as one of the many people who didn't believe I'd make it in London, I knew she would never let me live this down.

After an hour of staring outside a window and replaying the argument in my head, the cab pulls up the drive of Macy's house. Paying the fare, I lug my suitcase out of the trunk, and walk up to the porch. I don't even need to knock before the door is tossed open, Macy throwing her arms around me. I hold onto her tightly, not daring to let her go. I had been able to hold myself together, but now that I can finally let my guard down, I begin sobbing into her shoulder, trembling.

After a few minutes(or hours, I'll never really know), Macy lets go of me, rubbing my arms. "What do you need?" She asks in a calming voice, and I can't help but give a sad laugh.

"Anything that will let me forget."

Dan's POV

"You bloody...fucking...moron!" Dodie shouts hysterically, and as she lunges at me, Phil has to grab her around the middle of her flailing body. "She loved you, she needed you, and you just fucked it all up! Bloody hell, let go of me!" She pulls at Phil's arms, and he finally loosens his grip, letting her pull out of his hold.

She takes a step toward me, and I'm expecting her to slap me, hit me, anything. However, what she does instead, is about ten times worse.

"You ruined everything. I hope you're happy," she spits into my face. Her tone stings like venom.

She storms out of the apartment, pushing past Phil. He gives me a disappointed frown, before following behind her.

Your POV

Clouds of smoke fog my vision. I sit on the ripped couch, passing the blunt to Macy, lying my head back and staring at the chipped ceiling. Voices echo around the room, but I'm currently in my own little world. I had only take a few hits, but thanks to my tolerance being completely diminished, I'm completely fried.

It feels so good to fall apart.

Macy had already had a few people over to smoke with when I showed up, including Jack, Kenny, and a few others. Kenny had made a valiant attempt to talk me into staying sober, but I shut him down pretty fast. To be quite frank, I really don't care anymore.

As I lie my eyes closed, the sound of heavy footsteps come closer to me, and I instantly reopen my eyes. After letting my eyes focus, I finally identify the person towering over me, and I smile.

"Hello, James."

Dan's POV

Every night, I think of a million of things I want to say to her, things I wish I had said to her when I had the chance.