Choosing You (The Devil Prince X The Pretty Angel)

Chapter 30: Fresh Start

"Qing ah...When will you take him to see us?"

Ma asked me the same question shed been asking everytime I came home o visit, since I told them that I had found the one I had been looking for, three months ago.

I smiled at her as I reached for her hand, "I'll bring him to meet you guys, soon...I'm still repenting over my past mistakes, ma..Give me some time...Okay?"

"Didn't you apologise already?" Ma asked, a little bit unsatisfied, "you're still not forgiven..?"

"Wife...It's not as easy as that for someone to forgive something that hurt him for two years..." Baba intervened, "remember how it is for you...I missed Qing's birth, because my flight got delayed..You weren't able to forgive me for years, right?"

I saw Ma grimaced and she pursed her lips, "well...Yes..but that's a different matter..."

"It's the same, mine was not even my fault but you still blamed me. This thing between Qing and this person; it's Qing's fault , right? He made his mistakes consciously..." Baba looked at me,  not in an angry manner but quiet proudly, I must say, "take your time, son..Bring him when he's ready..."

I made the decision to tell my parents everything several weeks ago. Everything that had happened between Dayu and I. Everything that I had done, which was hurtful and bad. I didn't hide anything from my parents. They were shocked because they told me they had never seen me act merely on a whim and they had never thought that I'd be someone who could be influenced by feelings and emotions alone.

They knew right away that I had fallen in love with that person. When I looked back now, I myself could see that stark truth staring at me in the eye. I was indeed in love with Dayu. I was just too stubborn and too blind in trying to hold on to my puppy love; Lin Min Mei's memory, and that I was too arrogant to still think that I was as straight as a ruler. That was then.

I had quiet a lecture from both my parents; it was the first time that I and ever heard them getting quiet mad at me. Especially my father. He was calm unlike my mother, who was very hysterical, when I told them about my past conduct. But, his words delivered quiet a deep cut into my heart when he addressed the issue.

"You better treat him well this time around. You're lucky, he still wanted to give you the opportunity to be with him. He should have just pack and leave."

I winced. The icy tone in Baba's words were telling me just how disappointed he was over me.

"Don't say that!" My mother bit in, taking pity on me by taking my hands and patting them, "apologize to him and be sincere..Ma is sure that soon, you and him will be together again.."

I smiled at my mother gratefully and bowed at my father regretfully. While rowing up; I relied too much on myself and I never showed much of my emotions, which I knew made my parents a little lonely. While other parents worried about their kids' throwing tantrums, my parents had none of that because I had always acted like a grown up.

And, it was only after I met Dayu that I began to change. Unfortunately I didn't realised it until I lost him. And it was only after I lost him, that I think I began to really show my emotions. I also came out to my parents just after Dayu left, that I'm gay or maybe bi, because even though I had always been attracted to a girl's body, it was to a man, that I fell head over heels in love with.

Ma and Baba were of course shocked when I first came out to them. And of course my parents took time to really accept my confession, it didn't happen overnight. But, they did come around in the end. Especially after they observed just how much I had changed because of the man I loved. And I am a better man compared to before. In the end, that's all that it took for my parents to be on my side, completely.

So, I guess after years of seeing me faithfully waiting for the one who had changed me; my mother just couldn't wait to meet the man responsible. Whereas, my Baba just wants me to make sure that this time around I do things properly. They're both my support, in their own way. And I'm thankful for that. I need moral support like what my Ma is giving me, so that I wouldn't lose hope and I also need my Baba's sense of justice to make me stay grounded and not let things get into my head.

Being with Dayu now; and knowing that I couldn't even kiss him, it's hard on me. And, waiting for a sign from Dayu, that he wanted me, was beginning to get harder each day. It had been three months; loving him and wanting him, but holding back; it's harder now than when I still didn't have him with me. It's really really hard. But, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'd rather be tortured to have Dayu by my side , than without him.

Last week, when Dayu came back with the beers; I almost lost my self control. I knew that Dayu wanted me; no matter how drunk he was, he still knew that it was me who's sitting in front of him and he's as aroused as I was. I almost took him. 

But- what if by the time he sobered up, he forgot about everything? Worse; what if he blamed me for taking advantage of him? I couldn't risk it; if Dayu wanted me, he's going to have to show it; sober.

Though; I think at one point, I had almost threw cautions into the wind but, it was Dayu who 'saved' me when he rejected my words of love yet again. My passion sizzled off a little, when Dayu clearly contradicted my confession.

I am not a kid. I know that I love him. And he will have to accept that sooner or later. It's okay if he takes his time to fall in love with me; but Dayu shouldn't deny my feelings for him to that extent.

I am capable of loving him. Perhaps we should talk again, about this seriously. I should try and explain to Dayu again, how different this love that I felt for him and the feelings that I harbored for Lin Min Mei all those years ago. I just can't take it anymore.

I had a feeling that as long as we didn't see eye to eye on this; the longer it'd take for Dayu to truly accept me. Three months is no joking matter.

And we aren't even officially dating yet; even though I consider myself his partner and I had already announced to his friends that he's my partner, but, I needed Dayu to acknowledge this.

Dayu might not love me, now, at the moment. But, there's still something between us. There's still a spark that's undeniably still lit up everytime we're together. He could learn to love in time. His forgiveness might also takes time, to get. And I don't care. As I had told Dayu, even if it takes me a whole lifetime; I would do it. As long as we're together. As long as he's by my side and I'm by his. He's the only one I want. The only one I need.

Three months of doing nothing but coming over to see him and not saying anything about our relationship; I think it's enough.

The three months, is the courtship period and it's over. When I come to him this weekend; I would ask him to date me properly.

I won't force him to love me or to trust me. But at least, I want our relationship to be acknowledged by Dayu.

This would be a fresh start for us.