Promises

Chapter 64

Bahja | Bah-Jah
1:00pm

I woke up and saw Malaysia watching tv. I wonder who turned it on. I believe it's my sister or my mom who did but I laid there and got on my phone.

I had 13k comments, tags and shares in things dealing with me and Roc on social media. I had 300 messages from different people including my iMessage. I had 27 missed calls including FaceTime.

I rolled my eyes not even trying to hear no sad story's from nobody. I just want my boyfriend back seriously. I'll never wish this pain on nobody not even my worse enemy.

I read some of the social media's stuff and commented on some, I posted me and him on Twitter.

@_bahjarodriguez : "no matter what or who, you'll always be my baby 🕊💕"

I start getting a lot of comments and likes and retweets from it. I posted it on different social media's and I exit of there. I read some of the iMessages.

I went to Asiana's, Cassidy's, Zonnique's, Hakeem's and Airel's..

Asiana 💋: bahja i'm so sorry for you're loss babe. i know you are going through it, especially him being your first with everything. he's had you off your feet's i promise you, i love you so much sis 😩 i know you are trying to get through this, and it's sad because y'all have an babygirl 😭 i can't understand how the pain feels for you but i know you are an strong beautiful female in this world who's gonna get through this.. if you need anything i mean ANYTHING i will come through; not because you're my sister but because i know my niece is here in this world and you neither does her have him around nomore. ❤️🤞🏼 stay up sis i love you and i'm staying here with you today so you don't have to be alone babe... rest in paradise Roc 🕊💙

I instantly started to cry. I'm not ready for none of this and everyone is showing me so much love. I don't like all of this sympathy but I appreciate it I guess...

Me: thank you so much Asiana. I love you too and I know it's hard and it hurts a lot. I will get through this because I do have our child Malaysia to handle. It's gonna be so hard doing this by myself now but I got this.. I'm just not ready for any of this.. especially the funeral! I wish my baby will just come back to me.. ☹️

I read the next person text.

Cassidy ❣️: BABYYYYYY 😩😩😭 i know you are in so much pain rn and i know the feeling honey. Ive been through the same situation but with different people. It was my first love who I actually was with before I got pregnant by Hakeem. That feeling is not no joke ☹️ I promise you it'll get better when you not focus on it too much. I know you'll want to think about him everyday and that's completely fine, I love you Bahja. I hope everything alright, I know everything will be alright. You have us if you need anything. I'm here for Malaysia and Alden also. Keep your head up baby. Love, Cass and Daysha 💗

I can't stop crying this is too much. I just respond back to everyone as I can while tears continued to run down my face.

Me: I appreciate the love and i'm sorry for your loss. I don't know how you did it but I wish I can just let everything go and stop thinking about it. He was my everything and y'all all knew that, now that I have Malaysia it's gonna hurt more because she resumes him a lot. I got this though, I love y'all too.

I went on to the next person.

Nique 💗: bestfriend ☹️ babygirl i love you from since we were youngest to now.. you know i'm always here and i'm always gonna be here for you and Malaysia. i know the pain is killing your insides like a mf and i want you to know through whatever, i will always be there to help you with Malaysia 💯 no matter what it is, if we fall off or become enemies with each other i am here for y'all. Roc was the best friend guy i always had 🤞🏼😭 he had my back since freshman year in high school, i love that boy so much not more than i loved keem ass but you know what i'm trying to say, y'all was my favorite couple ❤️ i always wanted to become an family with my high school crush and always wanted to move in with them and everything.. y'all was so goals 🔐 y'all still goals and everyone knows that! you'll forever be in his heart along with his kids. i just don't want to see my bestfriend crying man ☹️ it hurts me like hell but i know i can't stop it bc you're hurting.. if you want me to com over i will be there any time. my mother said she loves you and to keep your head up things will get better and if you need anything for Malaysia to let her know. 💯

Me: thank you Zonnique. I love y'all too and I appreciate y'all trying to help me with my daughter and aww thanks again for that paragraph i heard that a lot about us being goals and everyone loving us being together, you'll find someone eventually to become those goals with. I will try to keep my head up and you can come over my mom and sister here though so..

I went to the next person.

Keem: little sis you been holding down my bro for the longest. i really appreciate that he found someone like you, he deserved you and he was so in love with you. y'all had too many break ups, arguments and everything but y'all got through it not because of Malaysia but because y'all loved each other. y'all belong with each other. I know this pain will never go away for the both of us, but i'm here for you and my niece and nephew. i'll do anything for them. i got 3 little ones to watch over for and i have NO PROBLEM with doing that, it's hitting me so hard man.. i miss my bro so much i wish this was just an dream, i couldn't even sleep last night. those words what that doctor said just haunted me for the rest of my life and i promise you and my mf bro im gonna find who did this to him, idgaf who or what the situation was i'm killing that mf on my dead bro. 💯 #LongLiveRoc 🕊💙

Me: believe that 💯 that's my mf baby and i'll always be his baby. i've been getting so many people grieving over him and saying things to me about his death and our baby. i hate all of this sympathy, i don't like when people shows me that it's like i'm a pussy. i know people cared about how ima feel or whatever but it's just too much. i hope you know i'm here for you always too Keem. you're like my big brother who i never had before so i'm gonna always love and appreciate the things you do for me and mines. i appreciate the advice you give me for me and Roc's relationship and i appreciate with you wanting to help with his kids. I love you & im glad im not the only person who's going nuts over his death.

On to the last person.

Airel 👑: cousinnnnnnn 😭😭😭☹️ i love you honey i'm coming over today. i don't want you to be sad or anything. i heard what happened and i cried so hard for you OMGGGGG 💔 that feeling will never go away especially the fact you'll never see, hear or touch them anymore. keep your head up and go 10x harder for my baby cousin. i'm always here if you need or want anybody to watch Laysia.

Me: thank you Airel. I love you too and it's hurting me trust me but i'm going to get through it. I appreciate the help and that's fine with me i'll be here.

Everyone responded back so i answer them and felled asleep again.

Asiana 💋: the pain will always hurt but you should always know he's in your heart like you are in his. focus on your daughter now and be about her. you don't need nobody but HER! he's still around no matter what, i'm here and i'm not going nowhere. i'm finna get her so you can rest.

Cassidy ❣️: everything will get better if you just believe it. thank you honey it was hurt but like i said it took days and weeks and months to get over it, he's always going to be in your heart but let the pain go. me and daysha and keem coming over ok?

Nique 💗: ok well i'm on the way and no matter what he's there watching over all of us including you. he loves you a lot keep that in mind 😘

Keem: that's just people showing they respect towards him. you're fine shut up whining so much 😂 crybaby! but cassidy told me she's been talking to you so i'm guessing you know we're on the way. stay up and be smooth don't worry bout a thing.

Airel 👑: alright cousin i'm on the way. we all love you and laysia & his other child Alden.

Me to all of them: appreciate it and i love y'all so much. i'm about to fall asleep because i'm just stressing too much over his death missing him like crazy but i'll see y'all when i get up. Malaysia don't know about it so yeah let's just keep that to ourselves until I figure out how ima do this.

I felled back asleep after I responded back to them. I'm so tired and stressed. I wish heaven had an phone. I would love to speak or feel my boyfriend once again.

Rest Up Roc 🕊💙🤞🏼🔐

Second Timer | 💁🏼‍♀️
- Tati