♤ 40 - Jealous ♤

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♤ 𝙹𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚜 - 𝙻𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚑 ♤

Everything stilled as the city passed by in a silent blur of color. Kiana was ranting somewhere in the distance that seemed closer than Jeongguk could bear, and it felt as if he slipped further away from reality with every muttered 'fuck' or 'dickward' from Kiana.

Suddenly the car stopped and he was being pulled out of it, following the puller in whichever direction she was going. His cheeks were stained from the tears running down them, and his throat felt sore from the audible sobs of his breakdown. 

Before Kiana managed to drag him into her car, and after Kiana tried to lead him out of school, he nearly went to approach Taehyung to yell his ass off, but before he could go and spit the older boy in the face, Kiana held him back and stopped him. What a headline that would have been in the school's paper.

He sighed and began shivering. It was gradually getting colder outside, and the dropping temperature was significant evidence that winter was coming. His jacket was lying smugly inside his locker at school, as all the other students were probably eating lunch or popping pills and smoking behind the auditorium.

Taehyung is probably eating the face of that girl, Jeongguk's mind chirped and a sudden urge to vomit rumbled it's way from his stomach and then slowly crawled it's way up his throat before being released onto the forest ground in a rather dramatic manner. 

As Jeongguk retched onto the ground, Kiana could do nothing but watch her friend with pity in her eyes as he emptied his stomach onto the ground. It wasn't like there was much hair to hold back anyway.

"I feel like I'm gonna be sick," Jeongguk mumbled as he sat back on the ground, careless, but careful not to sit in his own puke. 

"Yeah, that warning would have been nice before you puked." Kiana replied as she sat down next to Jeongguk, draping her jacket over his shoulders. Jeongguk nodded and coughed weakly a few times.

"Sorry."

Jeongguk could feel the tears building up again, and he wiped harshly at his eyes, as if telling them off. Of course they didn't obey, and soon he was full on crying again.

"I'm so pathetic," Jeongguk mumbled through the tears. "Here I am, sitting on the forest floor next to my own vomit, crying over my first love who clearly doesn't have any interest in me anymore."

"But then again, what did I do to deserve this? I really don't get what happened, I just woke up and he was.. gone. And since then, shit has gone downwards. Further down than rock bottom, and I swear I have no idea how to fix things. It's like I'm on a rollercoaster and everybody else is having fun, but my cart is on fire and my seatbelt is two clicks too tight."

"I want to cry my eyes dry. I want to scream so loud that my lungs empty of air. I want to sleep for at least 2 months and then I want to disappear." Jeongguk finally finished, gasping for the air he didn't realize he needed. Kiana looked sympathetically at him and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I think," she began. "I think it's time that you should focus on your most important person. You. I think you need to connect with yourself again, and build yourself up, even if it means starting from the very beginning. For the longest time, your identity has been Jeongguk Jeon, Taehyung Kim's best friend, but I think it's time you find out who Jeongguk Jeon truly is, and what his passion and dreams are."

Jeongguk looked up at Kiana, who nodded assuringly at him. She was correct, in every way possible. Who was he even? Too caught up in Taehyung, his heart hadn't managed to make room for other people in it, not even himself. That was probably why it felt empty, ripped out now. Because the only person occupying it had dismissed him.

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