His Broken Testimony: COMPLETED ✅

Chapter 21: Wont Change

In a world full of people, why do I feel so damn alone?
On a mountain so high, oh I wish I had a clone
I look up in the sky and realize this is where I belong
And if I'm really here, then why do I feel so gone?

Omniscient POV

This isn't the first time Anthony has found himself in this position. Locked away in the master bathroom with a cold shower running over his fully clothed body. This has been the only way he's been able to sober himself up enough to be around Ryan so she wouldn't notice the difference in his recent behavior. Eyes always red, pupils dilated and so zoned out that he could barely remember where he was at half the time.

It started with weed. Smoking every chance he got trying to calm his nerves and numb himself from the pain he felt within. That the effect of the herb quickly started to wore off. It was no longer strong enough he needed to be lifted thats when the pills came into play. Smoking, drinking, and popping pills had become apart of his daily routine. He had lost a good amount of weight that he tried to hide with bigger clothes. It has gotten to the point where it had become hard for him to force if he wasn't hard. Tony could barely remember what he did hours ago. With his odd behavior and sloggish movements around the shop he knew Chris was starting to look at him funny. Asking him random questions every time he nodded off in his chair or always staring at him trying to figure out what was wrong with his brother. It even got to the point that argued today in front of everybody. Chris questioning on him being late to work and Tony getting defensive ended in hands being thrown and eventually him been thrown out the shop all together. Breeze told him calm back when he calm down but instead he went home, in Mama Mary's home and got high.

It was close to the time for Ryan to get home from work. Though she was there when the boys got into it she chose to stay out of it and let them handle things on their own. But she has noticed a change in Anthony as well but didn't know what was wrong. She felt like after that converstaion they had weeks ago that everything would go back to normal, that everything was fine but it wasn't. She was still losing the man she loved and didn't know what to do to bring him back.

Hearing the bedroom door close Anthony always jumped out of his skin. He hadn't realize how much time had actually went by and he still wasn't sober. The handle to the door seperating them turned when it was locked so two light knocks followed suit.

"Baby you okay ?"

"Y-yeah....yeah. Give me a mintue." Tony stumbled over his words as he tried to pick his heavy body up off the sghower floor. His heart was pounded against his ear drums as his hands shook to a point he couldn't control them. His legs had become like jelly causing his knees to knock together.

Ry didn't speak again or try enter which he was thankful for because if she seen him like this there wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would leave him. Slowly acrossing the floor making his way toward the sink. Tony couldn't recgonize the person staring back at him in the mirror. Pain and self hatred with the after effect of drug abuse covered his face to the point he couldn't even hide it anymore. This is who he had become , who he allowed take over his being and he wasn't proud of it. Not only was he letting himself down but both of the women looking down on him that he had the pleasure of calling his mama. But in all his sorrow he finally understood, understood why the woman that birth him chose this route before taking her own life. When life becomes too much and you feel like nobody understands drugs become your safe haven.

He had allowed his inner demons come out to play and didn't no how to put them back in. Anthony loved his lady and his new found brother but they aren't enough. Not enough to fill this emptiness he's been feeling for years, to make him feel whole again. No matter how much he wanted to feel their love and be happy the depression embedded into his DNA won't let him. He had become so caught up in saving Ryan that he had forgotten about his own problems which let to this. Him neglecting what should have come first and that is himself has caused this backward side. Apart of him hated her for not seeing how much he was actually drowning and if she did see the fact that she has spoken up and tried to reach out made him even more angry. When all he ever did was try and be there for her when it came to everything she has went through. How selfless he had been and now that he's being selfish she blind to it.