His Broken Testimony: COMPLETED ✅

Chapter 29: Against Me

I should've listened to my intuition
I've put myself in this position
It's all my fault, look in the mirror
Think what am I missin'?
Seeing thing different, oh am I lost?
Feelin' a way, nothing's the same
I wish you would change, oh I'm lost
Numbin' the pain, don't make it okay
Nothin' to say but-
You brought all the issues
And I would stay here with you
Don't hold it against me

Ryan POV

Though it's light outside my world has become so dark. Darker than what it was before Anthony walked into my life and that he's knowing longer willing to play the game I've mindlessly been playing I felt like I had no hope in finding myself. Well that was until now. No I haven't spoken to or seen him since my disappearing and reappearing act though I have been keeping in contact with Chris in my abense. At first when I reached out he was pissed refused to take any of my calls or respond to my text but after learning my new found situation he quickly caved. Keeping me up on Tony's process as well as how hard everything has been I found myself feeling worse than the day I left. I didn't and don't inspect him to welcome me back with open arms especailly after the way I handled things but I do want him to try and understand my side and if he doesn't want to understand that at least listen.

In the way I handled everything I deserve everything I am feeling right now but at the time I felt like I was protecting us. Growing up with a drug addict mother all of my life I first hand witnessed and know what that type of addiction can do to a person. The willing to do whatever to get your next fix, not caring who your hurt in the progess because you get to the point where you honestly don't even know what you are doing is wrong.

I was watching the man I love fade away the same as I watched my mother but I was blind to his reasoning of why until that day at the hospital. Drugs ruined my life. Though I had my nana, may she rest in peace, it wasn't the same as having a mother there. Then there is what I went through with Jahmal. Not saying Tony is anywhere the same man as he was because he not. Jahmal could never be half the man Tony is but like I said before he was changing. No Anthony had become physcially abuse and the emotional neglet was enough. The weeks of him just blocking me out , walking around the house as if I no longer matter or like I just wasn't there made me feel like I was back in hell. Even when I would try and reach out , try and talk to him, get him to open up to me I got nothing in return so eventually I gave up. Thinking he'll come to me when he's ready but instead he turned to pills for comfort.

Once again substance abuse came before me and while I had control of my surrounds I ran because I refuse to have my baby go through what I went through as I child. A absence father is better than an abusive, drug addict one.

No I didn't give him a chance to at least try and turn his life around but in my defense I didn't have time for trying. No matter how harsh it sounds when I found out I was pregnant Anthony was no longer my first priority. I actually hade found out the same day everything happen. I had rushed home from the doctor's appointment, I had made since I had been feeling sick prior, but when things started to go left so fast I did the first thing that came to mind and that was to leave. But once I was gone and my belly started to form I started to grow sick with myself. This wasn't my blessing but our blessing and he has alright to know. I reached out to him first before I turned to Chris but he must have blocked all my calls and text because I couldn't get through. A part of me wanted to be petty and say fuck it , that I had tried but it was my fault we were distant so I had to try harder.

That's where the middle man came in. After founding out he was going to be an uncle Chris was excited but it quickly died saying that me showing face wasn't going to be good for his brother. I can't lie it hurt when he put the emphasises on his, letting me know I was no longer apart of the family nana wanted us to be as well as no longer being apart of Anthony's life. Though Christopher told me it wasn't for the best I decided to come to the shop anyway, he was panic and worried saying something about him and Tony had got into it the night before and he was coming into work so me being here wasn't good. He even tried to force me to leave but I stood my ground all the way up until he opened his office door and there stood that man he was trying to hide me from. I excepted him to lose his mind but when I got the total oppisite it hurt more than the words I thought he was going to say. After Anthony left back out the front door going God knows where, Chris got me out of there as quick as he could sending me to the hotel I found myself in now. It reminded me of the one Anthony and I shared before nana passed, bitter sweet moments at it's best.