His Broken Testimony: COMPLETED ✅

Chapter 28: Change

Never took the time to notice
The person in the reflection is the real focus
If we could change with them then I'll notice
Historically ain't nobody lookin' out for us, all they ever had was doubt for us
'Cause ain't shit changed even since my nigga Pac got banged
Some of the players switched up
And it's the same old game
I see no change, so I guess I gotta be that change

Anthony POV

Here we go once again minutes passing like days while days passed like years. I could even that through I full day in my new found mindset before a tornado came through fucking everything up. I been trying my best to maintane the inner peace I've been trying to find when it comes to myself and me beig able to sick to my word. Ryan back for whatever reason, she's been around for about two weeks but I have chosen to go unseen to her since the day at the shop. Staying on track with attending my therapy sessions with Dr. Jacobs twice out of a week now, I stay out of her way as long as she stays out of mine. Chris has been trying to grab to my attention the reasoning for her reappeance but I won't give him the chance to find get two sentences out. Whatever she is here for , whatever she wanted or needed she could no longer get it from me. I refuse to allow someone to jump in and out of my life whenever they felt like it was cool for them to do us. I don't know where she is staying and frankly it's none of my business. I hope she's alright though and continues to be that what but I can no longer play captain save'em.

"So Anthony finish telling me about this girl. You seem to have zoned out on me, that I didn't even get her name." Dr. Jacobs voice pulled me out my thoughts causing me to place my attention back on her.

Slouching down in my seat I blinked a few times before letting out a sigh in frustration. Ry really wasn't a topic I wanted to discuss but with me coming to my sessions the last few times more bothered than usual Dr. Jacobs gave me an ultimatum. Either tell her what's been happening or she removes me from her client list which will set me back at square one. Though I didn't really think she'll be so cruel to do so I didn't want to chance so I opened my mouth, letting the words flow while trying to keep my emotions at bay.

"We...we probably..Nah we were moving too fast when it came to our relationship. When I met her she was already with somebody else. Nigga was puttin' his hands on her and shit...She ain't tell nobody but I saw da bruises and even before dat I knew somethin' was up. It was all in her demeanor. She was scared of dat nigga and I wanted to...protect her...save her before it was too late."

"Your mother...your biological one, she was abused by your father right?" Dropping my gaze as I twitched my mouth to the side I nodded unable to form words into a answer. "Which led to her taking her own life and you being the one to find her."

I nodded once more but Dr. Jacobs demanded I give her a verbal answer this time.

"Y-yeah..."

"Anthony do you blame yourself for your mother's death even though it was a suicide ?"

Vivid images from my memory flashed upon my eyes as it I was reliving that moment. I can see her laying in there light red colored water. Wrist slit, mouth slightly open , eye closed, breathless...lifeless. 

When she realized she wasn't going to get an answer Dr.Jacobs didn't push. It's like she always knew when I was at my breaking point in our sessions and she didn't want to break me. That's not what I'm here for, she wanted to heal me and with her taking her time I believe she do just that.

I definitely appreciate that.

"Listen to me Anthony I knew people have told you this over and over again to the point you are numb to the words but it's the truth. Your mothers death is not your fault. People deal with pain in different ways and I'm not trying to to discredit the women who had given you life but some people just are built to handle pain....Can I tell something bout myself with no judgment?"