His Broken Testimony: COMPLETED ✅

Chapter 32: Moments

You better freeze the moment, seize it, own it
Focus is on it, our time to go in
'Yo time be on it
Lose yourself and find something you won't let escape the moment, yeah
Everything you need to be contented is right here
Right in this minute
You can have it when you understand that all that matters is right here

Anthony POV

Sitting in the now dark and quiet living room I couldn't bring myself to enter the bedroom. After our talk earlier I was the one to leave this time. My excuse was I had to get back to work which wasn't a lie but I just needed to remove myself from the situation. Everything was starting to become too much all over again. The constant what if questions along with the unknown outcomes of everything. I could see the hurt in her eyes everytime she stared back at me. The were begging me to say it, to tell her I love her , giving her the love she deserves but something was stopping me. It was no secret that my feelings and heart still ache because of a chose to leave but I'm trying to understand why she did it. Knowing what drugs did to her mother and it causing her to treat Ry like she was less than she automactically thought I was going to do the same to our child, our baby girl. It pain me that she thought so low of the man I was but I didn't really give her much reach the think otherwise.

I had left Ryan to deal with she all alone. Though I was there physcially she knew I had checked out of our relationship long before shit hit the fan but what I couldn't get pass was the fact she chose to not see on whatever she saw happening to me or the way I was making her feel. She chose to stay mute when it came to her feelings just so she wouldn't put unwanted pressure one mine. The same way she didn't in her relationship with Jahmal. Though I have never and will never put my hands on the mother or my child or any woman for that matter I was no better than him. Instead it being physcial abuse I emotionally abused Ryan for months and still expected her to stand by my side and not complain. I was selfish, I am selfish because even though I am unsure of my feelings I don't want her to ever give her love to someone else. I want her heart to always beat for me, her body to crave only mine, and her love to only be giving to me even though I didn't want to recieve it.

My mind is fucked up and it always has been but now it's not just about me and Ry anymore. It's not about how we feel towards or about each other, it is about that little girl growing inside her mommy stomach and if I wanted anything of being the father neither one of us had I need to start figure some shit out.

After leaving the barbershop Chris house just didn't feel right to be in. Though I knew I was always welcome and my little niece stayed there I make myself stay there tonight, so after talking myself in and out of asking her I finally got the heart to see for Robyn had a spare key to her apartment. She didn't ask me why only giving me a small smile before telling Breeze, who was trying to question me, to shut up before handing the small piece of metal over. When I finially got here Ryan was already asleep in the back room so she didn't know I had come back but tonight I just had to be near her and our daughter. I couldn't sleep knowing she existed and I wasn't in the same area as her. I wanted her to no my touch and voice, that she does have a father and he loves her with everything in him. She is the only pure thing I have in my life and she hasn't even been born yet. I'm grateful that Ryan chose to return to give me a chance to be in her life even though I was acting like I didn't want to be earlier.

Staying to my feet I removed my jacket and hat before making my way door the hall towards the master bedroom. The door was slightly cracked so I could see Ryan laided on her side as her left leg and arm hung half way off the bed. I had to keep myself from laughing because she always slept wild. Once I pushed open the door even more I noticed her hair was all over her head and the oversize tee shirt, that I just realized was mine, had come up above her hips exposing the lower part of her protruding stomach. I made sure my sets were quiet enough so that I wouldn't wake her as I stepped over to her side of the bed, dropping down to my knees so that I was at her level. I allowed my gaze to run of her face. Her lips were slighty parted as a soft snore sounded off through the room. She never snored when we were together. It must be because of the few pounds baby girl has added on to her. The tips of my fingers brushed some of the hair away from her forehead as I leaned in a little closer. So close that if she was to wake up right now I would scare the shit out of her.