Thank You.. (Aaron x Reader) SLOW UPDATES!

A/N (I swear i need to stop ;-; Soz)

Ahhh I'm sorry for not updating again! I feel like I'm making this my rant book. You don't have to read this by the way! It's really weird crap haha..

Where should I start?..

I don't know what happened really.

I guess it really REALLY started in the middle of summer before 7th grade, you know, summer vacation.

Before that though, I was fine I guess. I did self harm and seemed to be out of control but..

I didn't throw up or anything. Instead, I just sometimes skipped meals because I wasn't hungry and I thought, which isn't a big deal by the way just me being my past self, "Meh, maybe if I don't eat that then I'll be thinner."

It was just random thoughts, nothing serious I swear. I only did that a few times then I guess it got worse.

I started to just eat one meal a day from like more than half in into summer vacation. I guess I wanted to look 'good' in my first day of 7th grade at least. Or I just didn't feel hungry.

Then it started..

"I'm not good enough."

"Why am I trying?"

"Ha.. I don't even look like a girl.."

"I look weird with my hair down anyways."

"I look hideous."

Of course, even before all that happened I already had negative thoughts and was self conscious and I still am but..

You could say those thoughts affected me.

I started to not eat as much.

And..

Throw up food that I consumed.

I can't help but look at the back of food items and think, "This is too much.."

Even school food.

Bleh, school food sucks anyways but,

The strawberry milk was fine. I drank it because I was thirsty.

Then I saw the back..

I didn't like it and I decided to not drink it anymore.

On school days, I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I just tell my mom I eat breakfast at school which is such a damn lie..

I tell her I don't need to bring food for lunch and that school lunch will do.

Then I'm hungry throughout the whole day and try to ignore it.

I kept ignoring it so much that, I'm not as hungry as I used to. Which I find it a good thing.

Then I come home from school and either nobody is home or someone is home.

I have to force myself to eat dinner in front of them. Other times, when I'm alone, I don't eat or I eat.

If I do eat..

I throw it up. I guiltily forced myself to.

Then when some rare days I don't throw it up because I manage not to, then I think,

"Wow, look how much you ate! Are you sure you want that in your body? You can still throw it up. Just imagine how much carbs are in there."